Music makes me whole
always has and always will
lights me from inside
. . . Continued from my Day 161 - Daily Haiku post . . .
Although my sister Carol had been ill for some time, I had no idea how ill she truly was, as she had taken pains to keep it from me. So when she landed in the hospital, and gratefully accepted when I asked if I could put her on our meditation group's prayer list, the gravity of her situation really didn't sink in at first.
And the one conversation we had, a couple of days after she was admitted, was a truly lovely discourse, which served to allay what fears I had. Though toward the end of our call, she related having had a dream about a butterfly, and upon awakening from the dream, she said that she understood that everything was okay, and she was ready to move on if that was what was meant to be. She said she was at peace with it, and I knew she was.
She also told me that she believed strongly in what I was trying to do, which was to find our rural property, grow food organically. and teach others how to grow and prepare their own, in order to feed their families better, and to improve their health in the process; and that as long as she was around, she wanted to help me in this pursuit. This meant More to me than I can relate.
So Marek and I went to Atlanta and took our first Matrix course. And, while Carol had asked me for prayers for her full recovery, somewhere around that time, I got the strong impression that her wishes had changed, and I started praying simply for her highest and best good.
And one afternoon, during the Matrix course, I sought out Dr. Richard Bartlett, who founded and developed Matrix Energetics, and asked him to send Matrix to my sister, who was gravely ill.
His immediate impression was that, perhaps, full recovery was no longer what she desired. And I related to him that I had received the same impression; that she was tired, and tired of fighting, and so I had started praying for her highest and best good, whatever that meant.
About 2:30 the following morning, I was awakened by a call from our eldest sister, informing me that Carol had just passed on, and that she looked absolutely beautiful, and at peace. And, as saddened as I was to know she had left her body, I felt comforted.
Nine days later, on what would have been Carol's 55th birthday, Marek and I arrived at the theatre where the "Insurgentes" film premiere was to be held. Marek, having lived in NYC for fourteen years, and being fairly constant concert goer, expertly managed to get us front row seats, despite our not being the first on the scene.
I bow to his superior skills in this area. I, as a small and naturally polite woman, would undoubtedly have been sitting near the rear of the theatre, had I been on my own. ;-)
Instead, because of my unexpected front-and-center seating, wearing my can't-be-missed "Fear of a Blank Planet" tour t-shirt, from Porcupine Tree's previous 2007 tour, the first tour where I caught them in concert, I was chosen by Steven Wilson to ask him a question.
And the question I asked him was (paraphrased) this: "While working with Lasse Hoile, while he followed you during your concert tour, and while recording the "Insurgentes" album, did filming with him change your approach to your music?"
And he gave a lovely answer, which was clearly a stock, previously prepared response, as I had heard it about a week earlier in a YouTube interview in which he gave the same response to a different question. But it did not answer my question.
So I hope one day to have the opportunity to revisit my question with him, hopefully in a context where he will feel at ease enough to actually answer the question at hand, rather than the question he expected to be asked.
And, despite the strange and almost surreal vibe I was feeling, when finally meeting Steven Wilson face-to-face, I did manage to thank him for his music, and to tell him that it was his music that had inspired me to start writing music again, after a hiatus of many years. He commented that that was nice to hear, and seemed genuinely pleased, and rather touched.
I was impressed with the "Insurgentes" film itself, as I had been with the album, which is still a favorite of mine; Wilson is an intensely private man, but his trust in his friend and director Lasse Hoile was so complete that he left in some highly personal scenes that I, as a fellow Scorpio and also a very private soul, would likely have left out.
But, in the end, they were among the most affecting scenes in the film, so they not only worked, but made the film far more poignant and personal than it would have otherwise been.
As just one example, in one scene, Wilson is discussing the curiously Victorian practice of photographing dead infants and children prior to burial, while dressing and posing them to look as though they were sleeping. It was a widespread practice, and the photos often turn up in antique stores, but the majority of people are unlikely to realize that they are the memorial death photos of the children in question.
In the course of the scene, Wilson said something to the effect that he didn't know how people could cope with the death of a child, and gave the impression that that was part of what made him decide against marrying and starting a family, choosing instead to focus solely on his music.
Then, perhaps feeling that he had revealed too much, he stopped speaking and walked away from the camera. But the scene was left in, and much like his often intensely personal and revealing lyrics, gives insight into the inner workings of the man.
Three days later, Wilson's band and main project (at the time) Porcupine Tree took the stage at Radio City Music Hall, for their final concert on the American leg of their tour supporting "The Incident," and one of the final concerts by Porcupine Tree, at least to date.
This concert was one year to the day after the first concert we saw on the tour, at Terminal 5 in Manhattan, and I had fallen so in love with the band that we had seen them three more times in-between; at House of Blues in Orlando, at the Tampa Theatre in Tampa, and at a somewhat nondescript and forgettable venue in Asheville, North Carolina, the name of which I don't recall.
The concert at the Tampa Theatre is firmly ensconced as my #2 concert of all time. Tampa Theatre is a fully restored 1920s movie palace, much like those I grew up with in Los Angeles, and although it only seats around 3,500 people, it is such a gorgeous venue that a lot of first rate concerts are held there. We saw Queensryche there a few months later.
And, having purchased our tickets through the Porcupine Tree fan club (because yes, I am that much of a geek), we had fabulous seats; while technically in the second row, just off center, because of the quirky design of the theatre, the front row seating ended a couple of seats over from ours, so there were no seats in front of ours. Score!
As a result, for most of the concert, I was approximately twenty feet from Steven Wilson, as he performed directly in front of our seats. Small surprise that it ranks so highly among my favorite concerts. And I was pleased to note that, during quieter moments, and solos by his band mates, Wilson was looking around and taking in the almost surreal beauty of the venue.
The Tampa Theatre, like many of the original 1920s movie palaces, has amazing energy.
I was also pleased when Wilson informed us, early in the concert, that the stage of the Tampa Theatre was too small to allow them to show their typical Lasse Hoile-produced concert videos, and would be performing without them.
Although I love Wilson and Hoile's visuals for the concerts, they can be quite intense, and so it was for the video which was played during their performance of "Blind House," the first song on "The Incident" album. Due to being late for the concert at Terminal 5, and the crush of the crown in what is a standing only venue, I had missed the visuals during that concert.
At House of Blues, In Orlando, we had seats in the front row of the balcony, my favorite place in nearly any theatre, and I had an unobstructed view of the band and the visuals, which I found quite triggering.
So I was grateful not to be confronted with them again at the Tampa Theatre, and to have a break from them, though after the concert, while Marek sat outside by the fire, I went inside and wrote a song about an incident in my own history; one that I had quite literally, until that night, never told a soul.
But that's another story for another time.
The concert at Radio City Music Hall was planned to be something really special, and it was. As promised, they played a wide variety of music, including a lot of the older songs from their back catalogue that they hadn't played live in many years, including some absolute gems. In the end, the band was on fire, and including encores, they performed for a solid three hours on stage.
It was a tour de force, and, quite simply, one of the best concerts I've ever attended; but then, that describes every single one of Wilson's concerts I've ever witnessed. Unless I'm mistaken, I believe that their final concert of "The Incident" tour was the following month, at Royal Albert Hall, in London.
So this concert ranks as my #3 concert of all time, topped only by the Porcupine Tree concert at The Tampa Theatre, and by Wilson's solo concert in NYC, in support of his album "Grace for Drowning," which we attended on 11/11/11.
And what better way to celebrate that auspicious day, than by attending a Steven Wilson concert, especially for an obsessed addict such as myself?
In the audience, we met Jordan Rudess, the amazing keyboardist with Dream Theatre, who performed on the album with Wilson. I had recently run across his YouTube video where he channeled his inner Keith Emerson, performing ELP's "Tarkus," which was my first Emerson, Lake and Palmer album, at roughly age eleven, and placed them neck and neck with the Moody Blues for my favorite band at the time.
Even better, Rudess' guest vocalist on "Tarkus" was none other than Steven Wilson.
As we chatted with him during the intermission, I mentioned that I loved his version of "Tarkus," especially with his inclusion of Steven Wilson, to which he replied, "Well you know I performed on 'Grace for Drowning,' too." Yes, I did in fact know that, and frankly woldn't have known who Rudess was had it not been for his work with Steven Wilson, as I checked him out precisely for that reason. ;-)
In any event, I can relate that, like most world class musicians I've met in my life, Jordan Rudess is a thoroughly nice and friendly man, quite humble, and we enjoyed meeting him a great deal. And his keyboard work is phenomenal, so do check out his work with Dream Theater, and his solo efforts as well
In the end, although losing my sister was both unexpected and very difficult, it was music that most helped me to cope, and how appropriate that it was primarily progressive rock, as it was largely Carol's influence that headed me in that direction to begin with.
I've mentioned in previous posts that her trip to London catapulted my exposure to British progressive rock, though as mentioned, I had already started collecting it myself even before her trip. But she brought back one of my favorite albums of all time from that trip; Jethro Tull's "Passion Play," which alongside "Thick as a Brick," holds top position of my favorite Jethro Tull albums.
And of all the progressive rock artists of the day, I probably bought more Tull albums than anyone else, up until Steven Wilson came on the scene, and my love for progressive rock was reinvigorated tenfold.
And I know Carol would be pleased. We shared a lifelong love of music, had similar but not the same tastes, which allowed us each to introduce the other to numerous remarkable artists and albums over the years.
And I had been introducing her to more and more of Steven Wilson's music over time, along with Riverside and Lunatic Soul, and many more.
And we would still be doing so today if she had lived.
I love you, Carol, and miss you, and I know that, wherever you are, you're rocking the house. You always did. ;-)
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