Everything has its time under the sun ...

I have faith in love... That's why I've always tried. However, if I get divorced, I don't think I'll try again.

Look, when a relationship turns into a cold war, when there is no more respect, no listening, no tenderness... most people run to find the culprit.

And the finger is always pointed at the other. "It's just that he changed “she's not the same anymore." But you know what? A relationship that is destroyed is not broken on one side only.

We are clear that a couple is a system, a team, a commitment of both.

What one does impacts on the other.

And what the other allows or stops facing... also builds the conflict. So yes, you may have given more, or you may have put up with too much. But holding something that breaks you, for example: "for the children" is also part of the problem.

Look, that excuse of staying in bad relationships “for the children”, in my view of things, is a trap.

Why? Because children absorb the emotional state of the home as if it were the weather. If there is a storm every day, they learn to live soaked. Do you realize that?

You may not say anything, but your children feel everything: the cold looks, the slamming doors, the snorts of tiredness and boredom. That shapes them too. It teaches them about resignation, fear and irrational endurance.

A lot of times you say to yourself, “I'm hanging in there for them.”

But... what if they are silently asking you to stop holding on? Do you know what a child needs? A father or mother with peace of mind, not with a broken heart and dragging an eternal sadness or anger. They need YOUR EXAMPLE of emotional courage, not eternal endurance.

Then we don't know because when children grow up they carry resentment and bad temper. If that's what they saw. I will not get tired of saying that moving away from what hurts us is an act of deep self-love.

If he or she does not change those behaviors that harm you, no matter how hard you try, the one who should leave is you. You don't need to ask permission to feel, nor do you need to justify it.

You only need to understand what is triggering that you feel, what information it offers you and additionally what actions you should do.

That's what it's all about, knowing and respecting you.

A relationship when it's fucked up doesn't form on its own, ja they make two and it feeds with silences, with evasions, with routines that mar desire and with wounds that no one wants to look at 🫣.

A relationship is not just what you give. It's what you both build, if you give everything and the other destroys, that's not a relationship it's an exhausting emotional wear and tear.

Janitze 🦋