Today at my age, a woman of 6 decades and more, peace consists of being free from the opinion of others, of loving and being loved, having health and basic payments covered.
Many were taught that being themselves was a risk, since they were infants. And then they learned to dress up as children. To become what others wanted, even if it broke them inside. They learned to stay quiet... by hanging in there, and they called that "adapting."
Nothing further, that is not adaptation. It's abandonment. Abandonment of you, of what you are, of what you feel. And that hurts and keeps us living a borrowed life, far from who we really are.
What's the point? Absolutely none. Because you are not in this world to please anyone. You are there to be you, with all that that implies. And to the one who does not like and does not accept you... goodbye, and to get out of the way.
Why? We have to stop self-betraying just to be applauded, accepted and recognized. That's NOT living life.
To live without fear, or the need for approval to be yourself, is to decide to be the protagonist of your story and not a simple spectator of your own life.
Sometimes I feel like a child with a desire to play, who just wants to be taken care of, and live with peace.
Other times I feel scared and looking for protection, others like a teenager who is affected by everything, and feels misunderstood, others like a woman who wants to continue doing and knowing the world, and wanting to continue being desired and seductive and others almost like an old woman, who is already tired of struggling so much for life and feels that it is too late for her and for everything she desires inside, which is just to LIVE, and to continue living with the energy and joy of before. And I feel like that's not possible anymore today.
There is nothing better and more valuable than to seek freedom, to leave what bothers you behind, the toxicities, to go through the duels and losses that I have to go through and after so much effort, finally, to achieve peace, serenity.
I am afraid of being called or told that I am too, too sensitive. So I stay quiet, even when all I want is a little care and when life feels too heavy. But I never ask for anything. It is then, when the sleeplessness due to anxiety arrives, which cannot be called insomnia.
To start this day with this certainty is priceless: I just want peace, tranquility, to love and be loved, and no more health scares and problems that affect my well-being.
Janitze.🌷
Separator made with Canva by
Any images in this post are taken with my iPhone 12, the Infinix pro-note 30 or with the camera eighties Rolleiflex 2.8 f, and edited by me with Canva
Translation with |DeepL