I have been trying to write this post for 3 weeks now. I get interrupted. Steemit doesn't save a draft anymore and I lost my last attempt. I know I should use Stackedit.io or esteem. I just plain forgot and I cannot install esteem on my work computer. Most of my postings I have been doing at work since my hours have changed. It's funny how we get into a routine and when that is messed with it throws us out of whack.
In September I did a few posts on Suicide Awareness and Prevention. I am a huge advocate for removing the stigma associated with mental illness. I don't know if it is because I am more intune because of my own situation, but I have been seeing an increase in depression and suicidal postings. My whole purpose with Mindfulness Mondays, it to help the collective 'us' recognize and cope with symptoms as they occur in order to divert any possible irreparable behavior. The practices, behaviors, skills I advocate come from the therapeutic side of Mindfulness, not the actual Buddhist practice. The idea is not to remove feeling or thought, the idea is to recognize it and process it (cope with it). I am by no means saying I am right or wrong after 30 years of different medicines, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists. I have learned a thing or 2 or 10.
What I have noticed first of all with the depression postings almost all of them are copied in some manner from some web page or another. It comes across as 'Hey this is great, I'll share it with everyone and get lots of votes because I am doing something good.' One of the things I have heavily stressed over the past 6 months is not everything works for everyone. It unfortunately is trial and error. Which most of us that live with mental illness know compounds the problem. It's not that we're looking for a quick answer, we just want something that works.
One of the most recommended activities is exercise. For me I call bullshit. For me it creates a time when my mind is not occupied. If my mind is not occupied then thoughts of all types start popping in. Inevitably, the negative comes in it circles around and I end up completely undoing months of work. As I said, some things work for some people and not for others. Yes, exercise increases your dopamine levels and supposed to make you feel better. I end up either an energized overthinker or I go to bed and pass out to let my brain process out the crap that just happened. For some people exercise has become their turning point which is great.
I have a few activities that help me through the rough moments. One of them has become Steemit, whether it is writing this post each week, commenting, a free write or just a silly post. It has become an amazing outlet. This is one of the activities I was given when I was in the hospital. Write letters, write things out, you'll feel better. I got more angry, more hurt. I was not ready for something like that. Practice pranic breathing, learning how to breathe correctly will help. It speeds up my heart rate and anxiety starts. What I learned, I had to find what works for me, not something out of some text book.
My current therapist started a therapy that I had not heard of and when I found out about it, I actually was scared to try. I didn't want to be stuck in a CT or MRI scanner (that is what my first round of research produced), we started EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) It turned out what I had researched and what we ended up doing was completely different. It was a turning point. It wasn't that I was 'desensitized' it was that when I think back on certain situations I no longer have anxiety building up or fear. I can look at the situation and talk about it calmly. We then started guided imagery, and hypnosis. Not the kind where you're turned into a board. You're still fully aware of everything going on, but you relax enough so that maybe you can start breaking down barriers you had setup. My therapist told me my voice changed during these times. I didn't notice, I just spoke. Still quite a bit of work to be done there, if ever.
I guess what I am saying, is if you're going to post about such a serious subject to bring awareness, to help yourself or others, please do your research. Provide information from yourself and your situation. Don't tell others how to be. Kind of like 'Don't talk the talk if you can't walk the walk.' You do more harm than good. Anyone can pull that stuff up and read it. One post I read said there is a cure for mental illness. Um.... sorry, there isn't. It's all degrees of wellness. Well I guess a lobotomy would be a cure. Some days I honestly wish I didn't think. I do feel like a prisoner to my own mind.
All of this is why I constantly urge everyone not beat yourself up over your thoughts. They're natural and 'normal' it's how you deal with it is what matters. Ultimately change your thought process. If you have to scream squirrel or start singing Mary Poppins songs then do it. I believe the quote that works best is 'Change your thoughts and change your world.' It is the hardest obstacle to overcome, but it honestly is one of the best ways to cope with your own mind. What do you do when you're at work and this happens? You can't paint. You can't read a book. You can't play a video game. You can't pet your animals. You have to find an alternative.
Maybe now that I got this out of the way I can finally find inspiration to post. Sorry for my bad English and poor grammar. This was just a full on dump of feelings.
Please never feel that you are alone. I know I do a lot and I know how painful that is. There is always 1 person you can turn to. I admit sometimes it is difficult talking to others and even doing these posts. I am always willing to listen with an open mind. I will not judge. That is not my job or my place. I know somethings I have said seem a bit judgemental, I don't mean them to be that way. I want people to think before they post, especially if it is for the sake of posting.
I know the world is not in a good place right now. Steemit is though. There are so many wonderful helpful people here. I am glad this has become part of my path and I am thankful to those that are now a part of that.
CREATING YOUR PROFILE IS EASY! JUST FOLLOW THE STEPS HERE ☜(ˆ▿ˆc)
Thank you for your continued support, Love
