I'd say don't be too hard on yourself. We have all fucked up, and in the process have hurt someone else but the past is gone and we have to move on. It doesn't mean you cannot meeet anyone else because you are a terrible monster. The mind will try to make it look as if what you did is terrible but I'd say let it go and give yourself the opportunity to meet new people. Once you do that you'll see what you thought about yourself is not real. I've been suicidal before and it was due to a mania, I imagined things that were not true. Maybe your perception of yourself is not correct and you are not the bad person you seem to think you are, and if you are, great, simply correct yourself. For my self correction and to free myself from my limitations, I walked a free online course that might interest you called DIP Lite - It helped me to get rid of stuff in my life that no longer served me but was a burden to me, it is really cool. Basically they helped me to help myself. http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Cheers