It sometimes amazes me just how self-absorbed (or self-involved) people can be... and it amazes me even more just how subtle "being self-absorbed" can sometimes be.
Familial Contempt?
Yellow flowers in our garden
My sister-in-law lived with us for a little over two years, following some difficult times that caused her to become severely ill at her former work-- both physically and emotionally.
Don't get me wrong, she's actually a very kind and big-hearted person... but she also has an amazing ability to make everything that happens within a six mile radius "about HER."
If someone is telling a story about something that happened to them, she'll quickly enter the conversation and tell a story of something similar that happened to her... only, in her case it was much worse, consumed more resources and involved more people.
If somebody gets angry, or irritated, or sad... she'll find a way to "take responsibility" for the way they are feeling, and immediately the attention moves from the person with the actual issue, back to her and how she's ultimately the key element in the situation.
Those are just a couple of examples... and I have met plenty of people who are much worse than she at the process of "redirecting" attention to themselves.
So What's My Point Here?
People often make the false assumption that a "self-absorbed person" is someone who's constantly and blatantly acting in an overtly "selfish" manner, and is actively "drawing attention to themselves" in an actively narcissistic fashion, telling everyone how "great" they are.
Pink flower with dewdrops
Not true, at all. Often, self-absorbed people are very subtle about it. They just seem to have a way to quietly take a conversation, or an activity, or an idea... and somehow "divert the focal point" back to themselves. Sometimes they do this by subtle "one-upping;" sometimes they do it by having a "crisis" of their own in the middle of someone ELSE's traumatic event.
You've probably met people like this... there may even be some in your family or immediate circle of friends. We often don't notice them because they are "non-malicious" in their approach to life. They are usually not "bad" people who make us think "What a selfish (*$#!?!"
Often we don't become aware of them till we notice that we frequently feel emotionally drained when we've been around them. And that's an important warning sign!
Energy Vampires and Black Holes
You've probably heard the expression "Energy Vampire" to describe someone whose behavior tends to leave you emotionally and psychologically drained after you've been around them. Energy vampires are not that uncommon.
Fall Japanese maples ion the sun
However, there's another group of people I don't think of as much as "energy vampires" (a very popular pop-psychology term, these days) as simply "black holes."
Think about it. A "vampire" actively sucks your "blood" (energy) and feeds on you. At the end, they are "fed" and you are drained.
On the other hand, a "black hole" just sits there passively, and all "light" (energy) is absorbed by it. Black holes are generally not even aware that anything is going on, or that they are part of any kind of behavior pattern. They are also not malicious in intent... and would be horrified by the idea they were draining and hurting others... ironically, creating a scene if they were told, consuming even more energy around them.
What to do? If you encounter someone who's a "Black Hole," simply limit your time with them, and be aware what you're dealing with, so you have a clear understanding of WHY you are exhausted afterwards.
How about YOU? Have you encountered any "Energy Vampires" and "Black Holes" in your life? Do you think you can tell the two apart? How did you cope with the situation? Leave a comment-- share your experiences and feedback-- be part of the conversation!
(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
Published 20171009 17:03 PDT