Your partner is always right. But that may not mean what you think it means.
It doesn't mean, for example, that your partner's opinions on politics or religion or aliens are always right. It also doesn't mean that you need to give in to whatever your partner says, wants, does, or thinks in order to keep the peace.
No, it's a bit more complicated and nuanced than that. It means that your partner is always right about how he or she feels. And because of this, your partner is always right when sharing some issue they have with your behavior.
So let's unpack this audacious claim with Jenny and Tyrone. Because if you can get over yourself for four minutes and stretch your mind to a new and maybe uncomfortable level of openness, this audacious idea could improve every single relationship you have.
Estro-Jenny is a hard-working, caring, and loving housewife. She keeps Testos-Tyrone fed. She keeps their crib clean and uncluttered. She's responsive to her partner's needs to the best of her ability. In short, she tries. She actually works at the relationship, which is more than most.
Testos-Tyrone? He's a great guy. He's also hard-working, caring, and loving. Plus, he's helpful. He's attentive and slow to anger, unlike many men she knows. He also tries and Estro-Jenny feels lucky and blessed to be in a relationship working this well.
But then one day, her normally wonderful husband (and he is) tells her something about her behavior that bothers him... something about which he's completely wrong. He says that when Jenny watches old mysteries on television she's being selfish. He doesn't like these old mystery shows, and when she turns them on, she's not thinking of the other person in the room: him.
Well, if this isn't an aggravating turn of events. Because... Estro-Jenny happens to know the exact percentage of time the television is tuned to her preferred programs: a measly12 percent. That's right -- she took notes one week and calculated the damn thing! Which means that for 88 fricking percent of the time, her selfish and possibly blind husband is monopolizing the TV, watching sports and news and other stupid shows in which she's not in the least bit interested. The disparity here is actually jaw-dropping. How could he say such a thing to her?
Welcome to the seed of a fight.
And make no mistake: Estro-Jenny is absolutely correct that Testos-Tyrone is wrong. She does give in on television programming 88 percent of the time; there is no disputing this. But most human beings, like the poor sap she married, have a predictable failing: when trying to honestly evaluate and name the “thing” (in this case, the TV) that is bothering him... he'll get it wrong. And he'll get the cause of what's bothering him wrong a lot.
So will she.
But if he's communicating how he feels, he'll always be right about that. Always. And somewhere in the murkiness of their otherwise wonderful relationship, he's feeling that “she's not thinking of the other person: him.”
Let me repeat: he may have gotten the cause for his feeling wrong... but he's not wrong about how he feels. And if Jenny wants to keep their relationship wonderful, she won't fall into the trap of arguing that he's wrong about the cause. She'll go directly to how he's feeling and address that.
This has nothing to do with how much she watches mysteries on television... or any other mistaken cause he (or she) has ever brought up. It has everything to do with how he's feeling. So at this point, rather than perpetuating an argument, she'd do well to pump out some extra love for him.
Not because it's her responsibility. Ultimately, how he's feeling is his responsibility. But if she's not willing to love on the person she, um, loves, why is she in this relationship? Whenever there's pain, we can bring love. That's just a great way to live.
In fact, there might not even be any just cause for her selfish and potentially blind husband to be feeling this way. Then again, there might be. It doesn't matter. The feelings are there and the fact that her poor sap of a wonderful husband doesn't always know the cause of his feelings doesn't mean his feelings aren't valid.
Jenny and Tyrone can promise you this: ignore the naming of the cause (because it's usually wrong) and your relationship will strengthen and deepen with every bad feeling expressed.
Trust me; I'm divorced. 🤣🤣 But seriously, I've seen this happen so many times. I'm following my own advice in my current relationship and I can vouch for the idea that changing where you focus will absolutely strengthen and deepen your relationships. 🙂 ❤️
It's been a while since we've heard anything about Estro-Jenny and Testos-Tyrone, but click here for their previous adventures: Beef bringing and/or Poetic expressions.
