Hola ! I think we get like that at this age. Here in Africa, where life is often nasty, brutal and short and many people I know did not even reach my age and the cause was frequently politics. Whether from military guns, lack of food, lack of medicine, lack of education, lack of vision. We know your pain and can only say: don't accept what is being done to you.
But sometimes it's only the small acts to preserve yourself and those around you are possible. Just keep going, the wheel must turn.
RE: No sé