Full disclosure, this isn’t your fancy frilly regular Betty Crocker recipe (however Martha Stewart might have a similar version). It’s not going to win you the blue ribbon at the county fair but if you’re in a pinch it might get you a pack of ramen, a couple smokes, or some zu-zu’s and wham whams.
At one point in my life I made some bad decisions. You see, I had a love affair with heroin. Don’t know if you know this but heroin isn’t the best lover. It ended up getting me sentenced for 7 years in correctional facilities. Not the coolest shit I ever did. Being locked up as a young man I didn’t really have grasp on what life was really all about, so I had to learn a lot of lessons in jail.
Plot twist: It was actually nothing like Shawshank Redemption. I didn’t have Morgan Freeman to show me the ropes. I didn’t have a steady stream of money coming in to put on my books for commissary. I had to be resourceful. People like to trade and I learned you could smuggle some of the best stuff to trade from the kitchen. It was then I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up.
If you could get a hold of something to trade for a $5 dollar phone card you get a butt-cig. (A cigarette someone once had in their ass, in case you couldn’t deduce that yourself Mr. Holmes). If you could get a gallon of hand sanitizer out of the kitchen for someone to drink though, wow you were really in the money.
The point is I commonly smuggled shit from the kitchen. One of my hustles was making peanut butter fudge. It’s a simple recipe, but try getting a hold of some fucking vanilla extract or marshmallow cream in jail. In jail you aren’t getting much fancier than this.
Ingredients:
1 one handful of peanut butter fresh from the pantry (1 cup).
2 sandwich bags of powered sugar rolled neatly, and down the pants(1 pound).
70 individual slices of butter (unsalted). That’s the hard part, you have to save them up forever. (Basically 2 sticks).
(If you non-inmate types want, I would suggest to throw in a teaspoon of vanilla extract as well).
Directions:
Step 1. Place peanut butter and butter in a bowl. Then melt peanut butter and the butter in the common-area microwave for 2 minutes.
Step 2. Take the bowl out of the microwave and stir with whatever you can get your hands on. (Normal people would use a spoon.) Place back in the microwave for an addition 2 minutes and stir again.
Step 3. Without wasting anytime add in the sugar and mix until it’s thick and smooth.
Step 4. Place bowl in commissary box (fridge) for approximately 2 hours. Then use your utensil of choice to cut fudge into 1 inch squares.
Step 5. Start trading for butt-cigs. (Eat and enjoy).
I helped a friend write this. This is not a spoof. If you like this story and would like to hear more, please give this an up-vote to get his ass on here and posting himself. I will be giving him, and his family all of the sbd. Hopefully I can convince him this is not magic Monopoly money. If I could give them the steem power I would.
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Thanks for reading everyone.
