I forgave her years ago, guess I should have mentioned that.....but in the end (her end) it didn't mean jack diddly because I wasn't there for her....I couldn't help her.....she laid there for weeks unable to talk or move anything but her right arm and scribbled "help me help me" over and over whenever someone was around.....How am I supposed to deal with that, to get over that.....or for that matter, why in the hell is it bothering me in the first place.

So far making this video hasn't helped me. I feel worse now than I ever have and am terrified that come tomorrow I will be paralyzed, unable to even get out of bed much less drive this semi truck or spread her in the Atlantic Ocean.

PS - I haven't stopped crying for the last 3 days, ever since I found out I was finally heading to the ocean I have just kept hurting more and more.