Question:
I have a problem that I regularly run into that derails my healthy eating. My family will all try to be my food police. Whenever people try to control what I eat I get mad and eat more. Do you have any advice for me?
I got this question in a DM. I try to help people with weight loss and this turned out to be a very difficult question for me to answer. But here is my stab at it and I am pretty sure there will be more to come.
Answer:
Yes I do have advice for this topic. I know exactly what you are taking about. This is one of the reasons I hid the food I was eating and did not like to eat in front of people. To be honest with you, I still fight this. Even though I have been thin for eight years now, I still think people are going to attack me for eating.
A fat person is a target. If you are fat and you are eating, many people want to make a comment. And it’s not just friends and family. Anyone might stop what they are doing to tell a fat person to stop eating. I often say that fat people are one of the few places that are still open to criticism in the politically correct day and age. Yes, it can be hurtful and yes it can cause you to eat more.
But in general, you cannot change the world. You can only change yourself.
So here or a few tips to get you started, and I have more!
You have two issues here.
My family will all try to be my food police. <<< This is about them.
Whenever people try to control what I eat I get mad and eat more. <<< This is about you.
My family will all try to be my food police.
Always remember that family are doing this because they care. My son has severe ptsd because of what he went through with my obesity. The people trying to "help" you are in fear of losing you. They only want to you to be healthy. They react because they are worried; not because they know what they are doing.
The people trying to stop you from eating do not usually have any training or knowledge to do this. If any of these people DOES have actual training or knowledge, that's a different story - let me know if that is the case with any of your people.
The worst part about what they are doing is that they are attacking you when you are actually eating at the very moment. My mom used to slap food out of my hand or grab it away from me. I still think someone is going to come out of nowhere and take my food sometimes and this has not happened since I was a child.
But at various meals I could write about easily, an entire gang of people would decide to discuss my food, make fun of me, or berate me for eating. It's not easy to overcome these bad food memories and lose weight, but I and many others have done it and you can too.
Try a comment like this:
“I’m eating this meal now. Please leave me in peace. But I am really interested in your ideas. Can you make dinner/lunch/snack for tomorrow and let me try it to see if it works for me? I am doing my best to get healthy and I can use all the help I can get. Thank you!”
When the person wants you to “not eat” something.
“Thanks so much for caring enough to try to help me. Right now I am eating and it’s hard for me to change gears in mid-meal. But I really want to know any ideas you have to improve this food or alternatives to it. Can you send me some links about what you know? Once I get them, I will take a look and try them out.”
When the person has a different idea of what you “should” eat.
“Thanks so much for caring enough to try to help me. Right now I am eating and it’s hard for me to change gears in mid-meal. But I really want to know about XXX that you think is a good idea to eat. Can you send me some links about what you know? Once I get them, I will take a look and try them out.”
When the thing you are eating is part of your healthy diet
“Thanks so much for caring enough to try to help me. I’m actually eating this because I read/heard/found out that is will help me lost weight and get healthy. Let me send you some information about it. Maybe you can research it and see of you agree this is a good thing to eat. If not, maybe you can let me know some alternatives.”
When your are actually eating garbage; they are right and you feel guilty
“Thanks so much for caring enough to try to help me. This might not be the best choice, but I am eating now and this is not the best time to talk to me about not eating it. I would really like to know more about your ideas. Considering that I like this food and go overboard on it, can you give me some ideas of alternatives and ideas so I can do better in the future?”
Those are my tips to talk to people right at the moment they interfere with your meal. If you have some one who just won't quit, you may need to redesign you timing and life so you do not eat with them.
But the more important person to work on is you. So lets look at the second part of your question now.
Whenever people try to control what I eat I get mad and eat more.
This rationale is an excuse that will stop you from succeeding in weight loss and is a big sticking point for many people. Here are some ideas that might help you get over this and succeed.
First recognize that the "opinions of other people" is only one of many excuses that keep us fat.
Random Excuses for Being Fat
- no time
- no money
- age
- abilities
- fed up
All of the above are excuses you can get over with almost no effort once you pay attention to them. I was a fat 4 year old and lost the weight at fifty so I can give your an excuse list much longer than this one.
These two excuses can be much harder but still can be overcome
- mental health
- medical situations
For example
- I can barely move or walk and still I exercise many times a day in short spurts.
- I know depressed people who have gotten to their goal weight and are still depressed.
I say all this this based on my own experience and my work over the last 8 years with other people who succeeded in weight loss through incredible hardship. Until you decide to put the blinders on and do it anyway, anything can derail your efforts. Once you decide that losing weight is the most critical goal you have, nothing can stop you.
All of these excuses above are much less of an issue than the addictive poison most of us are eating each day without even knowing it. It is not about calories, it is about poison that messes with all of our bodily systems. Stop that - and everything else becomes easier.
When I did get thin in 2011, a common remark I got went like this:
"I can't believe you are thin now! I excepted you to be dead instead. How did you do it? Did you stop eating?"
I did not get this comment once - I got it many times. People do in fact believe that you need to stop eating in order to lose weight.
Take a look at my link here if you have not already, and project the time it will take you to lose the weight you need to lose if you start today. If you cannot deal with it today - so be it. But check this every month or six months. Maybe one day will be the day you finally start to change no matter what anyone else says or does.
No one can do this but you. No one can make any of this matter but you. No one is coming to save the day but you.
The good news is, once you decide to become your own hero and create your own future, it is not as hard as you think it will be before you make that change.
For one example, I lost weight on a high fat diet. One of the foods I enjoyed during my weight loss was full fat organic sour cream that I used in many ways. I knew it was helping me feel fulfilled and I was not going overboard with it. I had many other foods I was eating that gave me good nutrition and my weight was coming off fast. If anyone had said anything about that particular part of my diet, I would not have been bothered.
Previously, I loved sour cream on baked potatoes and had fought about it many times over the years. As soon as someone said anything, I would just add on another spoon of it and feel worse.
So we have a case of the same person and the some food, with completely different results. In one case I was eating more of what I thought was bad for me and in another I was enjoying a healthy part of my diet.
Please start here to kick obesity to the curb:
Set Your Goal for Weight Loss
Anyone can beat obesity if I did. Please ask me and I will help you do it too.
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