As I was reading up on some of my favorite topics here I found the thread #steemiteducation and an article by 
In the classroom, with parents and everywhere I have heard this common complaint of children not listening. I have two big issues with this:
- How are you saying things?
- Why should a child listen to you?
Today I want to talk about # 2, (another post form #1) since I feel it is the base of all. Most times when I ask somebody this question, they answer that children need to listen because I am their father/mother/teacher etc...Basically any figure of authority is enough to expect a child to comply.
So we want to educate children on respect, respect meaning they listen to whatever we say and do it. And there is the problem of all...that is NOT respect.
Respect has to travel both ways. If not it is basically a dictatorship where we want to be listened "no questions asked", but don't listen back!
Most of us were raised this way, and when our turn comes we repeat what we know. So I want to present and alternative.
CONNECTION before CORRECTION
This idea comes from a teacher turned neuroscientist, Becky Bailey. She created an approach called Conscious Discipline that as a psychologist and teacher I am in love with. The system is based on how our brain reacts when we are in different states. The theory behind it is fascinating.
BUT for today's post I mainly want to talk about CONNECTION.
Human beings are social mammals, our brains are wired to develop better when we have safe interactions with others. Especially with our nurturing figures. Without touch and emotional love our brain growth will be stunted, our empathy shut down. This explains why a 14-year-old is capable of shooting his classmates and teachers. He feels no empathy, does not see them as humans worthy of respect.
WHY?
Because he or she has not had enough connection to loving adults and peers. Because in the school systems where you only get noticed if you are amazing or awful this person might have been a shy, fearful child that nobody noticed. Or maybe they got expelled, and thought nobody cares about them, so why should they care.
This is the dangerous zone, when a child says I DON'T CARE!
</aSOLUTION?
Connect with your children. Whether they are students for an hour, all day, your own children. This does not mean only spending time together it means basically
- Non invasive eye contact: When you talk to a child go to their eye level as much as possible. Listen with your ears and also with your eyes. If you listen respectfully you show you care.
- Playful touch: Play clapping games, play sports or have tickle fights. Hug or play tag. Our brains need touch to develop and stay healthy.
The beauty is that you cannot fake connection! But once you have it it is magic. I have seen it work time and time again. Children that arrive out of control in a classroom start to change when they feel a true connection. And this is something we can learn to foster, in families and schools. That creates true respect.
If you have any other ways how you generate connection with your kids I would love to know!
Thanks for reading 😻