My mind is numb
I feel no pain, I feel no joy
Oblige me now please, real mccoy
One last try I swear, I don’t lie
Please hold me over, til’ I’m ready to die
In time I’ll be better, I promise you’ll see
Just a while longer, I’ll soon be me
In time I’ll make better, I promise you’ll see
Just one last penny, I swear this ain’t me
In time I’ll be done, I promise you’ll see
Just one last high, I’ll soon be free
The depths we dive to get what desire are truly remarkable. Like setting a bar for yourself, but in the the opposite direction, or in a progressively self-destructive manor. Shocked at every time the bar is surpassed, you find a new “low” or now standard of maintenance. You continue on though because the experience is worth the sacrifice, and there is still plenty more to sacrifice. It begins with your money and possessions, then onto the possessions of others. First your family, then your friends, then anyone in your path. Eventually you reach a point where every high must be worked for, even earned, in a sad sense. The moral effort to do so though, comes from digging deeper than you ever have before. Beyond the self-defined image of what you once were, or what possessions and achievements once made you “you”. Beyond rock bottom where it’s all been stripped away, you now take from the same world that’s brought you up since day one. Scrounging to use any days blessing in exchange for one more release, you buy yourself time, and trust me, that’s all that’s left.
If progression holds true, and what you once had is now gone, then what’s beyond the dirt you keep digging just to survive?
Most will come to find the nerve or pulse to their purpose of being. The part of them that’s truly in pain. There is no digging or sacrifice left beyond this point though, there is no way to mask it. Only death, only change, only life.