I needed to write this, I needed to scream this. At this moment I'm taking another action, moving again, kicking the washing machine until it works. I'll go back to Seattle, I'll get some weed from Uncle Ikes, and buy myself some more time. I'm not ready to give up yet - but, to be honest, I'm running out of "good reasons" for sticking around. I appreciate your comment, and I get that this is a painful topic for a lot of people. But when I look at my life today and my likely future? - I can't honestly say there's much to hold on to. For a time it was "I'll make people sad", but I've come to realize that most of my friends and family are normie zombies, living in pretend land ... they might mourn me, they might chip in to avoid having my ashes placed in a dumpster ... but I doubt I will be a blip. The real truth is that this nation has become an ocean of pain, a land of tyrants, unfree, and everyday more people choose tyranny and control over their own liberty and dignity. But I'm looking forward to Uncle Ike's, and that might be enough to get me through a few more weeks, and perhaps enough time for me to change course towards a better destination ... it's all a gamble. But no, I'm not ready to do this right now - I simply needed to say it out loud.