Mental Health Journey + Steemit Vision Quest = Lima Being Deep About "Angels AMong Us"

I have to make an art piece for this, and I will, but first i need to write and explore my thought

SLOW DOWN: What would your higher self do?

Truth be told, telling me to slow down is like trying to stop a train by winking at the conductor. You can flirt with the idea and even make it fun, but if I'm on full steem the stop will cause a pile up of wreckage. I've sort of learned the bad habbit of jumping on my train and riding it till the wheels will fall. WHY? Well thats because I have Adult ADHD which means 9/10 I got twenty raring trains just sitting at the station with nowhere to go. However, right now I'm a bit sick and its late, i'm on the train of "you have very little time to be productive before you fall over from exhaustion" its not a very fun ride but its takin gme to some quite amazing places. That brings me to my answer, I have literally no concept of what my higher self would do. Is there a world where my higher self doesn't have anxiety, depression, seasonal affect, general panic, and ADHD? and yes a slight cinnamon drop of fragile narcissism due to low self esteem and grandiose ideas As a science enthusiast and ScifiFantasy Dreamer with a heavy hand of "wait.. is the Matrix reallll???" I tend to think there could be such a place or state but the depression will say the following:
a. you would never get there. you are a constant fuckup.
b. even if you got close, youd fuck it up.
c. you are stupid. there is no such place. grow up.

It's a fun conversation and Hive account@eaglespirit would tell me i need grounding and protections and I know she sounds woo woo but I believe her . These only one problem . In order to hug a tree or do a ritual with salt I have to go outside. I have to get up. I have to log off. I have to stop trying to solve everyone elses's shit and stop trying to fix a society that doesnt want to be changed and start focusing only on me. Sounds easy right? ANyone who has been through it knows that anxiety, that depression...you might be able to slow that train down.
But It will >NEVER. StOP.

My higher self would have had to make peace with that or find a better cure. Btw: Im n a daily dose of omeperazole, the poor womyns prozac and I still feel the trains, the sinking, the discombobulated confusion and the shame of not taking better care of myself. Some say the cure is diet. I'd love to diet. I only need time, money, and self control. Right now i made a deal with my boss to eat more vegetarian stuffs at fancy food places. Its only working because i eat bread and put skittles in my smoothies and have BurgerKing on cheat day (although the last time it felt pretty terrible). BUT THAT IS HARD ENOUGH. And I'm still feeling like sh!t, my peoples. I wont even talk about my digestion system...

SO WHAT CAN I DO TO BE HEALTHY?!?!

First of all, this. Talk about it, write about it. It's not such a scary monster. Really all my anger and panic and depression result to tiny roars in an often empty hall. Sometimes I hurt people on accident. That sucks. But I can't give up. I can't say, well shit I fucked up again so I'm done trying to be happy and free. I mean, I could start taking drugs to numb everything but there is more to that story later. TL;DR the drugs dont work.

That comes to the second thing. Not giving up. Try, try ,try, try again. Apologize! but be careful.. there is such a thing as
APOLOGY BURNOUT

I once made the joke to my boss that I have the worlds record for most apologies in one day without trying. And I'm talking legit, shame-filled, vulnerable apologies.

I dont know any other things beyond taking meds, going to therapy, and doing all the things. Theres help everywhere but it only works if you are a millionaire buy in and DO THE THINGS

ALL THIS ASIDE THERE ARE LIFES LITTLE RAINBOWS

And this/these is/are the thing(s). That keeps me going. Look, i know rainbows appear in the right circumstances of lightwaves, reflections, and refractions and can be replicated at anytime but to seee a rainbow in nature is fAckn magical gdammint! These are, IMO, The Angels AMong Us. These external, totally scientifically explained [MIRACLES OF NATURE IN THE UNIVERSE]9https://sputniknews.com/environment/201611281047935352-nature-beauty-phenomena/) that come to use at the most opportune times, seemingly out of nowhere and often after a singing in the rain re-enactment downpour. (yes, I am excited about hotlinks and strikethrough rk)

You might be guessing that I'm using as a really indepth analogy. Maybe its , but it fits. These ANGELIC rainbows, fogbows, and dewbows can come in the form of strangers, inspiring messages, moving art, friends validating your unseen illnesses, and people giving you a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, chance to run with them even when you aren't fully sure which way is the right way.

I have had a lot of these such people on steemit. I try to thank them. I try to apologize. I try to focus on the positive. But being angel among US? Its the shittiest gig, I think. Being an angel in heaven is no sweet. Being an angel in the sky pretty doable. On earth? in our shit? Good luck not falling.

SO thanks to all the angelbows among me/us both past and present. Even if I had a fight with you or said something hurtful to you or felt hurt by something you said or decided that you are too supportive of the patriarchy

You have been angelbows on rainy days and some of you, one of you in particular has left your beautiful paw prints on everything I do. I will never forget it or you. Believe it or not, I love you.

Challenge: Talk about your struggles with self care -- bonus if there are angels that help u get thru n u can do steemit vidion quest too