FATBOY

this is my new name!

(me without hair)

Yesterday I was looking at my Garmin watch and checking out my "stats" of activity, heart rate, and so on. I acquired the watch recently thanks to dear STEEMIT.

I am now completely over the tumour (except for the odd pill) and I have decided that I am going to lose weight. I am not a tall person, in fact I am a short person at about 157 cm or five foot, two inches. I am still waiting for that expected growth spurt but I am starting to lose hope at the age of 59 years. When I was young, I remember my mother shortening my trousers with a fold rather than cut them off as we were all waiting for the growth spurt (that still has not arrived fifty years later). So nowadays sadly, my pants are cut to the correct length by my wife. Am I short or am I under-tall? Being short was a factor in my shyness, I avoided taller girls (what a fool I was). So many opportunities lost, just think of all those slaps I could have got. Anyway my daughters and my wife are helping me catch up, although they prefer punching me on my arm (especially the shingley one) due to my inappropriate sense of humour.

So back to my tale...

I see something that says rest with a number and active with a number. I am intrigued; of course I have not got past page 2 of the handbook of the phone. I am a man and we men need not do such things, we will just wing it! I just "google" and I see it has something to do with calories. Hah! I have always wanted to know more about calories but I have just never got around to it. I often have seen people say "this food thingie" is only "so many "calories. I want to know how many calories in a juice or a slice of bread or some cheese, but I have just never known. Inspired I go to my office fridge and take out a juice, I wonder how many calories are in this 200 ml? the side has a whole lot of information. I see energy kJ 422. Where the hell is the word "calories". I decide to speak to one of the ladies in the office. They tell me that kilojoules is the new wording and calories are not used but for every kilojoule there are 239 calories. So if I do the math it means that that little box of litchi juice is 422 x 239 which is equal to 100 858. Something seems wrong here, let me divide the answer by 1000, then it is 100.86 calories... that is interesting but what does that mean exactly?

Onto to my beloved Google, the source of almost all mortal knowledge.

I found what a kilojoule means. Did you know it means the energy required to raise the temperature of one kilogram of water by one degree centigrade at sea level. There are roughly about two and a fifth kilojoules per calorie. I also learn that the body consumes calories even when at rest. Obviously when exercise is undertaken it uses up more calories.

Life is a simple equation. If you eat more calories than you use, you will gain weight through FAT. There are 3500 calories stored in one pound of fat. If I look at a kilogram, then we will say that there are (3500 x 2.2) 7700 calories stored as fat.

I see the acronym BMR. Something called Basal Metabolic Rate? I know something about metabolic rate; if it is high it means your body burns calories quicker than a person with a low metabolic rate. I then see an article entitled "How many calories do I burn doing nothing? I like the sound of that so I look into the site. I see that men and women have different formulas. I know the data that is required, for activity I choose moderate activity for 3 to 5 days for the week. I pop the numbers in and I get an answer 1461 resting calories and a total of 2265 calories per day per day. This is according to the more popular "Mifflin - St Jeor" method. When I did the formula it gave me 2727.92 calories. SO MUCH DIFFERENT INFORMATION to process, but there is a common thread!!

My interest in now raised, seriously. I read lots of articles, it starts to dawn on me , I have a problem of being overweight, still! I had lost 7 kilograms over a month or two at the end of last year. The loss has remained and the new weight has remained steady. I felt fine as I do water aerobics about three times a week and I work really hard. But the mirror and the scale do not lie, I must face the facts honestly.

I go to the BMI chart. It stands for Body Mass Index. I have always hated this chart but lets see what LIES it is going to tell me. I am horrified, it tells me that I am OBESE, not even just over weight. Feverishly I study the chart. I see that if I can lose just 4 kilograms then I will be only overweight. I immediately phoned my wife and told her of my ghastly knowledge. Of course she knew, and she gently reminded me what she has been telling me for months, that I am not at goal.

Last night I impulsively challenged my one girl to five push ups. I generally avoid them due to my formerly frozen shoulder but drastic measures are called for. She accepts my challenge and easily whips them off. I struggle like hell, I am grunting and groaning as I do the five. I hear my shoulder creaking and clicking. Yes I am a FATBOY. If I can't easily do a mere five push ups I am carrying too much weight.

So folks, today is the day when it all begins again. I have found a chart with calories and I am going to measure my food. I shall report my progress each week until I get my body down to 73 kilograms. I can't afford to wait for my growth spurt as I know that would have sorted my problems out, the BMI chart does not love me or understand my body. But I shall strive to conform.

(not me but you get the idea)

May my name soon be changed!