Lies we tell ourselves
the opposite of kindness
deep self-disrespect
I was reminded today, following a meditation, how many times my life has gotten more complicated than it needed to simply because I wasn't being honest with myself.
When I am true to myself, things tend to work out quite well, and often seem to just fall into place naturally. But when I ignore my own inner guidance, much like the lovely cactus in the photo above, it tends to come back to bite me.
And the biggest issue of not being real with ourselves, and owning our own truth, whatever that may be, is that by definition, if we're not being truthful with ourselves, then we aren't being truthful with anyone else either. And we are not living our life with integrity.
I'm grateful that this is a lesson I've learned well, to the point that often in conversation I'll make a statement, catch myself, then say, "Wait, that's not right," and correct myself midstream. I do still catch myself frequently, but at least I catch myself, and don't blithely ignore it, as I did for so many years.
Marek takes it in stride, because he came from the same kind of family that was big on stuffing their feelings, and not speaking openly, and especially pretending that everything was okay when in truth it was anything but.
But I have gotten some strange looks from time to time. Which is fine with me. We each have to walk our own path.
As for me, I choose to live in integrity, and that means being honest and truthful, especially with myself.
And while that may sound deceptively easy, beneath the surface, it is much harder to put into practice than many realize, often because they are still in the thick of lying to themselves as a matter of habit.
It can be tough to be really true to ourselves when family, friends and society itself are all telling us that it's not okay to be who we truly are.
But it's not only okay; it's mandatory. We, each and every one of us, are needed in this world, to be who we truly are, and to discover and own our own truth.
No one can do that for you.
The cactus pictured was a gift from my neighbor across the street a year or so after we moved here. He gave me two of them, and they are getting ready to bloom, so I'll share new photos when they do so.
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