I could write a 10,000 sentence post on this subject but I'm going to condense it.

I was playing Dota 2 Ranked as the character Meepo. All was right in the world, I had a script of Suboxone and Gabapentin, a half-gallon of Smirnoff, 10 20mg Adderall XRs and some very potent edible marijuana snacks. I was tearing it up in my Dota 2 Ranked placement matches, feeling so good it was unreal. Halfway through the match I hear a loud pounding on the front door downstairs and my dog barking. My mom starts saying no no no no what are you doing, then the cop proceeds to rush towards my room. You are under arrest, you have the right to remain silent etc...

Proceed to 1 month of pissing out my ass, and vomiting at the same time from suboxone withdrawal. I watched TV cause it was the only thing I could do while writhing in agony from withdrawal unable to sleep. Some guy from Iraq gave us 2 bags of Coffee to say one of the inmates we dormed with was suicidal, so they would take him away. He Got sent to bambam(bambam is sitting in a room 23 hours a day naked with a thick green blanket you can wrap around yourself). You get 1 hour to walk around, make phone calls, watch TV, or you could talk to the other crazies. It was worth it for me for sure, the guy we got admitted was a shit-lord.

After I detoxed, I started reading a lot of books, playing chess, playing Poker and Spades, listening, and telling stories, and my mom even helped me with some commissary(jail store for food and such). I bought 2 3.3 oz bags of coffee a week, 20 ramen noodles, 2-3 bags of candy(usually being Jolly Ranchers or atomic fireballs) and way better hygiene items than they give you by default. My mother also ordered me a slew of books, and a dictionary which I was super excited about. I read all of Hunter S Thompson's books, H.P. Lovecraft , Fight Club, Serial Killer biographies, mafia, and a lot of horror fiction. All we could do in jail is drink coffee, watch shitty limited channel TV, read, and share stories. You have to make the best out of nothing, and sometimes we forgot we were even in jail, if a really good story was told. I laughed so hard at some of them, I couldn't have cared less I was in jail... till reality sat back in :(.

Step-by-step guide to brewing jail wine.

I got tired of being sober, even though my clean time was building. I met a guy who brewed wine, and beer as a hobby in the real world. I paid him a half bag of kool-aid(uses it for sugar to feed the yeast) to teach me how to brew with the limited stuff we could get our hands on in general population. Generally, you mash a bunch of fruit you get from your meals in a bag(apples take longer to brew than the other fruits) add extra squeezed juice to the mash, and a bit of candy or kool-aid for sugar and throw out the squeezed mash you used for the juice. We then clog our sinks and fill it up with hot water. You place the bag of mash in the hot water and keep emptying the water and adding new hot water. The mash will start bubbling due to the natural yeast that is in all fruits. The yeast will start eating the sugar and creating carbon dioxide, and alcohol. Once the bag is bubbling a lot, you split the mash into several bags to use as a large yeast source for each batch. Add a quarter bag of mash, juice, 1 cup of water, and a half cup of Kool-Aid because they don't sell raw sugar on the commissary. Put all the bags in hot water. Open the bags once they fill up with too much carbon dioxide or they will explode, sometimes the top will pop open too and you will lose some of the good stuff. Do this for about 5-7 days(times may vary) and you will have alcohol about as strong as a four loko, but tastes a lot better due to the Kool-Aid.

Suboxone is a medication used for opioid addicts to detox them comfortably, or for maintenance to fend off cravings. It looks like an orange listerine strip, and tastes like bitter artificial orange medicine. The next post explains the dynamics of it in jail.

They had a Suboxone program, where if you were taking it before coming in, or opioid-dependent, you could send in a message, and they review your file and send back a response if you qualify or not. People on the program got 2 8mg strips a day and would use their tongue to stick a bit of it on their teeth, or under their dentures and bring it back to the unit. They would then put the glob on the foil inside of a chip bag and press the glob together with the foil to make it flat, and dry it out on the vent. They use a razor and cut it into either 4, 8, or 16 pieces. and sell the pieces to trustworthy inmates. I would buy them and break em down with a few drops of water in a spoon or chapstick cap, and sniff the goop, as the absorption % is way higher sniffing it over putting it under your tongue.

To sum up the time I did, I participated in sharing a lot of stories, read a lot of books, brewed a lot of alcohol then sold or drank it. I avoided the TV like the plague due to it having Tyler Perry movies on all the time, and the same low-quality movies replayed for a week straight.

I also lent commissary out when people needed it right now, because they can't order for another week. It caused a few fights when people didn't pay, but there was one particularly good fight. I lent this guy my anxiety medicine Buspar for 3 soups. Also lent him some chips, coffee, and soups to tide him over as we were on friendly terms. Needless to say, he didn't pay. We grabbed his whole bin and put it in my room. He said, you ain't boutta just take all my stuff, I replied, come get it then. There were 3 of us total and we pulled him in and beat the blood out of this fool. Knees to the face, slugging him in the face with no restraint, one of the guys even bruce lee kicked the guy in the face. The dude poured so much blood all over my room that it took 30 minutes to clean up. The guards didn't even see any of the blood. We got 5 days lockdown, but praise from everyone on our floor(group of units). He stole from everyone and they all hated him. Now everyone loved us for doing the dirty work. He was banned from General Population and put in protective custody as he was assumed to be in danger due to a large number of enemies in every unit. I got my payback real good in the end.

Besides all that, there was not much to do. Jails are not that bad to be honest. It was extremely boring though. I got an early release. I was supposed to do 10 months and I got out at the 8-month mark to go to rehab, but I was not ready to get sober yet. Then I started another chaotic downward spiral that led to homelessness, depression and depravity... Eventually getting sober in the end, I go into detail regarding this in my previous posts.

Hope you all enjoyed my post! I spent quite a while on this one, and I'm sure a lot of you will get a kick out of it.

Lookout for at least 1 new post every day from here on out. And please checkout my previous posts! Dont forget to drop a follow if you liked it, thanks!

Sources in order
Photo by John Cameron on Unsplash
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Photo by Žygimantas Dukauskas on Unsplash
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Photo by Anna Bratiychuk on Unsplash
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Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash
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Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
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Photo by Solal Ohayon on Unsplash
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Photo by Diana Polekhina on Unsplash
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