Disclaimer: Parts of this post are written from the perspective of me before I went to rehab, and got on medication to treat my depression & addiction.
Ever since my childhood departed, I've lived a life of misery and despair. The world world once was filled with mystery & wonder. I felt a sense of magic radiating through the air, and life felt surreal. Every vacation was like a trip through the wardrobe to Narnia. Everything was new, and each adventure had me anticipating things in a completely illogical but awesome grandiose manner.
7th grade was where the magic ended and an angsty, bored teen with an addiction to computers was born. Since then I have spent every second I have free browsing the web, playing video games, and doing drugs. I have no clue what happened, but I assume puberty brought out the dormant depression, and anxiety. I was a very curious, intelligent, happy & friendly child, then puberty hit & it was like a switch flipped in my head, and I became tremendously depressed.
Why do humans live besides to squeeze as much pleasure you possibly can out of life before you die? I should just end it now, I thought... But there is an easy solution to the suicidal thoughts, and that is consuming copious amounts of drugs & alcohol. Why do so many people start working 60 hours a week, when they can just work far less and enjoy their lives doing drugs and or drinking?
Every day I think about shooting up a 40$ pack of fentanyl and ending it all, but something is stopping me. Will it all work out in the end? Can I really achieve happiness & become content before I die?
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Photo by Jackson Simmer on Unsplash