About ten or so years ago, I remember making the decision that I wanted to write a book. I had often gathered with my friends at coffee shops and we would talk for hours into the night about life and problems. One thing that I noticed was that even though I didn't have all that much life experience yet, I somehow understood how to talk to people in a way where they felt better by the end our chat. I had an interesting take on life and a lot of people seemed to enjoy it. My first instinct was to believe that if I could somehow convey those philosophies into a book, I could help a lot more people without having to repeat the same thing to them in person. If I could write a book on my outlook on life and ways I dealt with problems, I could make more value with the same time.
After thinking about it for a while, I brought the idea up to my sister that I wanted to write a book like I had envisioned in my head. She was supportive, but what she said forced me to question myself in a way that stopped me from doing anything for many years to come. She said one simple thing that made a lot of sense, but was something I wasn't ready to deal with yet... Everything that she had said up until then I already had considered, but as a passing, as a matter of fact kind of way, she mentioned to me "and you need to include why you feel people should listen to you." I was dumbfounded... I understood that I wanted to write a book based around my philosophies, but what didn't even cross my mind was so obvious to her; why was my voice important? I really didn't have a good answer.
The Destructive Cycle of Self-doubt
I'm not sure if it was a matter of self esteem or what it was, but the fact that I needed to have a reason for people to listen to me, bothered me. I understood, of course what she meant. She was merely pointing out the obvious. There isn't any real reason for a reader to seek out a book from any Joe-Shmow... People read books by credible authors...There has to be some kind of incentive for somebody to invest their time into something like that... but, who was I? I couldn't answer that question. I wished I would have just started writing and forget about it, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I just wasn't qualified to write a book.
Lets skip ahead to the end of 2016 where I started moving into my first house... I had an experience that changed my life. Long story short, I was put into a position where I needed to build an enclosure for my pet squirrel if I wanted to be able to keep her, but I had know idea how to build anything. I know that being a guy almost makes people assume you can just make stuff, but it was so far out of my range of experience, that it was downright intimidating. The problem was though, that I didn't have the luxury of just shrugging it off; it's wasn't something I wanted to do, it was something that I needed to do. During that time, I had a large range of emotions that I experienced and a lot of new things that I learned. The biggest of all of those lessons came at the very end.
I struggled for 14 days to try to do the impossible. I had to become something that I wasn't to accomplish what I needed to get done. I needed to go from being a guy who didn't know a thing about the most basic of tools into a competent craftsman. I'll admit, this project wasn't the same as building a mausoleum or anything, but it was, nonetheless, a huge step away from where I was at that time. The fact of the matter at the end of the day though, was that I did the impossible. I went from who I was and turned into whoever the hell built that cage in those 14 days... but what I couldn't understand was how. I felt like a phony.
My mind was numbed for about two weeks after my experience. I'm not sure if it was due to the fact that I was over-working myself, or if it was because I was still trying to process what happened, but I just couldn't get over the fact that I made that cage. I still felt like I was pretending to know what I was doing, but the proof was standing right before my eyes. It made me question, not only myself and my ability, but my ability to judge what "credible" really was. Was I credible enough to be a builder? It honestly didn't matter... even if I wasn't, it didn't stop me from building the enclosure.
After I had that train of thought, I remembered about what stopped me from writing my first would-be book. I wasn't credible...at least in my eyes. The thing about it now though, was that I didn't care. In fact, I was going to use that as an advantage. I decided that just like how I became a builder by building, I was going to become an author by writing. Amazingly easy concept to understand, but one I didn't apply until right then. That moment changed my life. Now, after two years of struggling before a computer, I finished my first book and it's actually really good. I'm no longer worried about being credible because in the transition, I became an authority on the matter of what I was writing about.
It's amazing what we don't do on account that we don't think we're ready yet. When we are able to get past our own irrational concerns it's amazing what we can actually become along the way. I will never let self doubt keep me from moving forward again, because I now know that there is no such thing as being credible enough to do something. Every body is just pretending until one day they aren't anymore. We all can become whatever we want if we just start somewhere.
If you want to check out my book where I talk about my experience, take a look here:
https://www.xlibris.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-001156218