Lions, Tigers and Bears, OH MY!
Martin tripped on a tree root, and tumbled head-long down the steep slope, finally ending in a heap in a large, dark bush. The foggy, forest-night air was close, making it hard for him to breathe. It was pitch black, except for the slivered moon, peering at him through the branches above. Suddenly, a horrible, piercing scream erupted in the dark, back up the hill he had just rolled down. Martin's heart lept up through his throat, finally settling in the area between his ears. He'd never heard a sound like that in all his earthly years!
He trembled, though he wasn't cold. Picking himself up, he peered into the inky black of the forest beyond. Which way was the TRAIL!?
Suddenly, two yellow eyes appeared from behind a large, black night-rock. Huge, glowing eyes, staring straight into Martin's soul with absolutely no emotion. Martin opened his mouth to scream, but nothing came out. Not even a wisp of air. His mouth was as dry as 1000 year old dirt. Suddenly, the yellow eyes began to rise above the rock. Whatever was behind them, was ENORMOUS. Martin turned to run, his boots slipping on the muddy forest floor...
Stephen King Must Have Spent Some Time In The Woods
There's a reason they write stories like this, about the deep, dark woods. And all the creepies and crawlies, goblins and other night terrors that inhabit the scary black of the forest beyond. After all, it CAN be dark, and sometimes DOES look a bit scary. Even in the daytime, now and then. Particularly if you are all by yourself. And your mind hears sounds, and you swear you see things out of the corner of your eye that are not really there. Or ARE they?
Just A Normal Stroll In The Woods
Walking about in the forest this past fall, I wandered into a particular area that had some very large trees, thick brush, and a whole lot of moss hanging down from just about everywhere. After all, this IS a temperate rain forest out this way.
And what do you get with lots of rainfall? Huge trees, lots of moss, massive undergrowth, and a whole lot of green in every direction. And all this organic matter can efficiently blot out a lot of the sunlight from above. That precious, chase-the-scary-things-away-for-me, please light we often enjoy as overly-imaginative humans. Even in mid-day.
While there, I didn't see any witches, banshees, or other scary things that go bump in the night. Or in the DAY, when you're alone in the woods. But the eerie surroundings reminded me of the books I TRIED to avoid reading as a small person.
Incredibly scary stories, and they usually involved not only monsters in the dark, but getting lost in the woods. Or some other, unknown environment. This has to be a standard, human emotion. The whole getting lost thing. Because it is a very real and powerful feeling that most people do possess.
Where The Heck AM I?
And I have to admit, all hoary, unknown things that might eat you in the woods aside, there CAN be a strong feeling of being lost in this huge environment. This feeling was very powerful when I first started working in the woods. I call it Lostaphobia. The deep, welling fear you get when it dawns on you -- "I have NO idea where I am".
The feeling gets magnified even more by this enormous terrain we were moving through on a daily basis. It takes a LONG time to get anywhere. Not easy when you know where you are. Less fun when you don't.
And this getting lost thing is not something new. The great outdoor author, Patrick F. McManus writes all about it in his incredibly funny books, such as A Fine And Pleasant Misery, and They Shoot Canoes, Don't They? He aptly coined the phrase describing this feeling: The "Full-Bore Linear Panic." That unmistakable, terror-filled feeling you get when you first discover you're lost. Which then leads to highly predictable, very odd, and potentially dangerous behaviors when you act them out. The Full Bore Linear Panic.
I Don't Know WHERE I'm Going, But I Need To Get There. FAST!
The strongest, and possibly dumbest part of the FBLP, is the full-speed thing. For some reason, when you're sure you're lost, the very first inclination is: "I've got to get somewhere -- even though I have NO idea WHERE -- but I need to get there as FAST as possible." It's a very, very powerful feeling, and Mr. Logic has a hard time wrestling it to the ground of reason. The panic usually wins out. At least for awhile. Or until you hurt yourself.
It happens pretty much like clockwork. "I don't know where I am. But I've got to move. MOVE! NOW!!!" And you do. In any random direction, as fast as possible. Often to the detriment of small, or potentially large damages to your person.
Such as clonking your knees or shins into huge, inanimate objects. Like monster logs or very hard rocks. Or worse, ramming SOMETHING into a staub (sharp, broken branches coming OUT of the logs, hidden by brush.) Very painful and usually damaging to the human form when met at full speed.
Or worse things.
The mountainous, brushy woods hide many other impediments to progress. Things like wide or deep ravines, boulder fields, downed logs, deep holes in the earth. Or worse, overhangs and cliffs. Obstructions, or areas of gravity-defying thin air that are hard enough to deal with at normal speed. Rushing around and over or through them, only makes it worse. Lets face it, running full speed through the brush, and over a cliff, is not going to be good for anyone.
Think, Sit and Snack, THEN Go
This is why the S.O.B. (Standard Order of Business) for combating this whole Full Bore Linear Panic 'decision', is to take a moment, breathe deep, and just SIT DOWN. On a rock, or a stump or a log. Continue to breathe as designed, pull out a snack item, take a drink, and a few moments to actually THINK things out.
Dig out your map and compass, try to figure out when you LAST knew where you were, and reconnoiter it all down to some base logic. Then try to figure out where in the heck you are now. After this, eat another snack (my addition-I like that part), and WALK to where you think you might want to be. Like a road. Or back to your precious work truck ON the road. Then back home.
Once you're calm, relaxed and ready, you can start to WALK out.
And hope you don't encounter any witches, goblins or other oddities of the gloomy, dank woods, as you head in that direction. Because lost or not...the woods can still be a bit dark and creepy at times, and maybe even downright scary as you go. Particularly if you take the time to think really hard about what might be watching you. So maybe don't think TOO hard.
Just don't run. It's not good for you. Plus, everything out here, real or imagined, can out-run you anyway. There, THAT should make you feel better...
( :
~ Finto ~
Thanks for stopping in and viewing the deep dark woods or the Northwest. If you have any thoughts about large trees, getting lost in the trees or other places, Full Bore Linear Panic's, or anything else this post reminds you of, please feel free to comment away in the spaces below. I'd love to hear from you.
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Posted: 03/27/2018 @ 14:35