This shit is rough. Im so tired and worn out from pain and headache stuff. I never intended anything of this nature and definitely didnt want to learn all i have on medical and energetic systems. Luckily i have had some unbelievable relief this whole week from cranio sacral. I really enjoyed meeting Brandy the therapist and look forward to more experiences and learning. Im just bumbed out. Every fucking day i have to deal w this shit. I cant play with my 2 year old son the way o want. Im constantly having to get alone cuz pain. Im sick of the low energy bs levels. I really want to want to do things i use to enjoy. I mean my whole life i was super active and now a short lil bike ride is a big deal. I miss my family, i miss my friends, i miss myself and i miss feeling at ease in my own skin. I fucking hate how ive been treated and neglected in the medical community. Fucking conceded lil pricks, thinking theyre smarter than they are. Dont fucking listen to shit. I use to be extremely goal oriented and fairly successful in business. I am an extreme risk taker, always have been. I havent made my own money besides some small investing in years. All of my savings which took me years to establish, poof gone to the medical system all for not, for fucking nothing. Thousands & thousands of dollars down the fucking drain all for me to sit with this pain and stare at a wall. Just miss the stupidest little shit i never even thought twice about before, like going to a store. I have all this creative energy stuck in my being and im watching it all die, slowly and painfully. Life wasting away, talents tossed to the wind. Tears all that remain. I still feel 24, the age i was when it started. And yet when i go out of my cave everyone and everything is eons older changed and gray. I will heal myself. I will find the answers i seek. Or at the very least go out with all kinds of blood guts and yells. Just feeling down and letting it go. More to do...
