Sounds like you are about to surrender once again. Getting the mind out of the way is a huge step towards spirit guided life. I see the conflict within you and I pray that spirit finds a way to reconcile with the logic so that they can work together. I don't know if there are groups in the US. I'm sure there is, but I must admit that in all my years, I've not experienced a healing process like what this group is doing. But I will ask around and see if there are people in the US doing similar work. I know in my heart there is because spirit is driving this work and spirit will ensure it is available for all those who want to do it. Ask around. Spirit will guide you to where you need to be. The timing will be perfect. <3 If you are meant to be here, it will happen.