There is a quote somewhere that says "your kids don't need a perfect mom; they need a happy one."
Let me start by defending my husband's honor 😂 Jordan would have jumped in to help with anything I needed. When I decide to do something, I never like to do it halfway. If I say i want to be a stay-at-home mom, you better believe I'm going to push myself to be the best one I can possibly be. That's probably why that quote spoke to me so much.
When we first brought Victor home from the hospital, I tried my hardest to be super-mom. I was trying to recover from my C-section, and keep the kid alive, and be a good wife, and do the laundry, and do the dishes, and play with the dogs enough, and shower from time-to-time, and, and, and... I think you get the point. I was so unhappy with all of my failures. Every time I walked by a sink full of dishes, or I didn't have dinner ready when I wanted to, my dream life of being an amazing stay-at-home mom and bombshell trophy wife came to a screeching halt.
I'll be the first to admit- I wasn't exactly quick to jump on board the "stay-at-home mom" train when we first started talking about it as an option. Working makes me happy. Not that being a mom isn't work, because it DEFINITELY is, but it's so different. After researching everything and praying a whole bunch, me staying home made the most sense for our little family. I'm super thankful I have the option to stay home, because I know a lot of people would LOVE to and can't. I was in for a shock though. In a matter of weeks, I went from having an awesome job, with great coworkers who respected what I had to say, to having a tiny boss scream at me all the time for whatever reason he deemed most important at that time.
Every time Victor woke me up at night, I was reminded of how tired I would be the next day and how much I wouldn't get done. I felt like I just sucked at life. Then, of course, I hated myself for feeling that way toward my sweet little baby! I felt like the worst, and most unhappy, mom in the world.
I decided I really didn't want to feel like that toward my baby or myself. I did some serious self-reflection and brainstorming, and I came up with 5 things that truly make me a happier mom.
- Find a Hobby or Project
Find a hobby or project that has absolutely NOTHING to do with your kids. Even if it's during nap time or after your kids have gone to bed. It's just for you. I know this is WAYYY easier said than done, but it's a really important one. Make yourself a priority, dang it! Because you're awesome and you deserve it. Here are a few examples of some REASONABLE mom-hobbies:
Get Outside
Anytime I'm frustrated or irritated or even sad, if I can just get outside and clear my head for a few minutes it's basically a mind-reset. Take a walk, go on a bike-ride with your kids, go stand on your front porch. Wherever you can go, just do it. Some of the best "new-mom" advice I got was, "when he won't stop screaming and you can't take it anymore, just put him somewhere safe and walk out to the mailbox." I can't even admit to how many times this has helped me go from weeping out of frustration to super-duper-problem-solver in a quick 1-minute walk.Set Aside Time for a Fun Family Activity
And, no, grocery shopping doesn't count (but seriously if you've found some incredible way to make it super fun- PLEASE send me your knowledge!) I know when I was growing up and my parents would try to force us to do things they wanted to do, I was less than interested. Maybe set up a rotation as to who picks the (weekly, bi-monthly, monthly) activity, so everyone wins. I would also put a price limit on activities so it doesn't become a huge financial burden to your family. Bowling, going for a family walk, getting hot chocolate on a cold day, and going to the latest super-hero movie are just a few of our very favorite activities.
Learn How to Say "No"
I used to say "yes" to LITERALLY everything. You want me to bring food to a funeral for someone I've never met? Sure. You want me to "dress down" so you look like the smokin' hot friend? I'm SO there. You want us to watch your knife-wielding monkey children (not even kidding) all weekend? Totally! Learning to say the word "no" has been one of the biggest keys to my happiness. Of course I still do as much as I can honestly handle, but I try not to completely stress myself out with a huge To-Do list. When I get overwhelmed, I get pretty dang snappy toward the people closest to me, and they DEFINITELY don't deserve that.Find Balance
Like I said earlier in this post, I like to do things TO THE MAX. I hate doing things halfway. When I decided to try to lose all the baby weight, I went to the extreme like I always do. I would eat 500 calories a day because I was heartbroken that I couldn't just look the way I wanted to. My willpower would last about a week and then I would eat everything my hands could reach. Then I would hate myself even more. Then I would eat while I was crying about how fat I was getting from eating... Do you see my dilemma? Self-hatred for mistakes will only lead to complete misery. Been there, done that, got a T-shirt. It's THE WORST.
Since realizing how out of balance I was, I have worked really hard to rewire my brain. I used to think that if I messed up just one time I was done and my mistake couldn't be fixed. Now I see that it's much more important to live a healthy lifestyle, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
So I say to you- if you have been eating healthy food all day and you are dying for some chocolate, have some chocolate! If you have been working really hard to set and achieve new goals, take time to celebrate your hard work before moving on to the next big thing. If you normally yell at your kids 10 times a day and today you managed to only yell 2 times, acknowledge your great improvement. Find balance. It's wonderful to hold yourself to an extremely high standard, but don't make it an impossible one. If you do, you're just setting yourself up for failure. You're human, and you can't be perfect 100 percent of the time, and guess what, girl. That's okay.
OBVIOUSLY not every day is a wonderful, perfect day. When I make sure to include these 5 things in my life, I'm definitely a happier person, wife, and mom. I hope they help you, too.
Let us all know in the comments if you have any other tips or tricks that help you out when you're just having one of those days.