*** Placeholder image. Remove and insert new. Also add image alt text with SEO keyword:
[Photo credit](*** add link here)
*** Catchy H2 heading with SEO keyword
*** Introduction, 2 or 3 grafs max, keep it tight and avoid fluff unless you don't want to get paid. Need to really hook the reader here otherwise they'll bounce.
*** Give an overview of the topic and make it clear why this blog adds value and how it's better than every other blog on the planet.
*** Remember, nothing but the best of the best will be accepted for publication. If you think we're dropping 5 cents per word for anything less than perfection then you're insane. You're welcome for giving you a job btw.
*** Put that whiskey bottle down right the fuck now goddammit.
*** Placeholder image. Remove and insert new. Also add image alt text with SEO keyword:
[Photo credit](*** add link here)
*** Catchy H2 heading with SEO keyword
*** Add headings and sections as necessary for the topic.
*** Shoot for around 30% keyword density so we rank well on Google.
*** Remember to focus on benefits over features. Nobody's gonna care about the fucking redundant quantum killswitches if the fucking exoplanetary gears don't engage with the electromagnetic cryptocurrent turbines and now they're stranded in some random alternate reality with hostile life forms and low atmospheric oxygen concentration and their smart carjet won't fucking start.
*** If you need to stretch the truth a little bit that's fine, just don't tell any lies.
*** KISS: Keep It Simple, Stupid!
*** Catchy H3 subheading with SEO keyword
*** If you feel that an H2 section needs to be logically broken down further into additional sections then use H3 headings to do so.
*** As a general rule keep your paragraphs brief. You should never have more than 100 words or 3 sentences in a single graf. Nobody's gonna read that shit. Adults are basically just children with tax liabilities and health conditions, you can't expect any of them to concentrate on anything that's mentally challenging for more than a few seconds. Break it up, make it skimmable. That's the only way.
*** Make frequent use of bulleted and numbered lists because studies have shown that people really like lists.
*** &c, &c…
*** Placeholder image. Remove and insert new. Also add image alt text with SEO keyword:
[Photo credit](*** add link here)
*** Catchy H2 heading with SEO keyword
*** Conclusion, 2 or 3 grafs max.
*** Summarize what the blog was about but don't just regurgitate, find a way to wrap things up with a fresh take on what you've already said. If you say what you already said differently enough then people won't be able to tell that you're just repeating yourself. And obviously that's really good for conversion.
*** Include a compelling CTA at the end. Avoid using the words Get, Buy, Click, Go, Learn, Find, Discover, Sign, or Try in your CTA. Those verbs are overused according to research and nobody pays any attention to them.
*** Blog requirements:
- MINIMUM 3000 words, try to shoot for 4-4500 if possible
- One high-quality royalty-free and properly sourced non-stock photo per each H2 section (cf. sample photos above for on-page arrangement)
- We use CMS (because fuck AP amirite?)
- Absolutely NO plagiarism (we will be checking, probably)
*** Final checklist:
- Deleted all template copy
- Ran spelling and grammar check
- Pasted final blog into Hemingway app and edited as necessary
- Included one bullet point specifically to see if anyone actually bothered to read this bullshit blog I wrote
- Updated emojis in footer to align with content
- Added date and closing words at bottom
- Reached for the whiskey bottle
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TODAY'S DATE GOES HERE. PUT SOMETHING WITTY OR TONGUE IN CHEEK HERE. NOW GIMME THAT FUCKIN WHISKEY BOTTLE YOU FUCKIN MOTHERFUCKER.