"Even if it takes associating with some of the most notorious names in entertainment, we know we just have to do our jobs."
Geneva, July 15 - More than 1600 civilians have been killed in the ongoing Saudi-led offensive against Houthi rebels in Yemen, prompting the United Nations Human Rights Council to call for an immediate reception, with drinks, to which various celebrities would be invited to mix with Council delegates and their staff.
Iran-backed rebels have ousted the government of Yemen, and a coalition of Sunni states, lead by King Suleiman of Saudi Arabia, has embarked on an airstrike campaign and a limited ground offensive to restore stability and check Iran's influence in the region. Strikes have killed thousands, and the United Nations' own figures put the number of civilian deaths resulting from the campaign at hundreds more than even the most inflated civilian death figures from last year's Israel-Hamas war in the Gaza Strip. The latter conflict prompted a series of urgent Council sessions and the adoption of an investigation's report claiming Israeli war crimes. For purposes of moral and political consistency, the Council will address the violence in Yemen by inviting George Clooney, Bono, and several other show business personalities to immediately mingle with Council member nation representatives at a hotel and conference center in Geneva.
"The Human Rights Council must maintain its dedication to making the world a better place, and not ignore conflict zones simply because the issues appear intractable or politically unpopular," explained Pakistani delegation secretary Aiwil Parti. "Even if it takes associating with some of the most notorious names in entertainment, we know we just have to do our jobs."
Given the urgent and deadly issues at stake, the gathering will also include ambassadors from the member states of the Security Council. "An occasion of this importance and magnitude - not to mention free-flowing Scotch - demands the presence of at least several Security Council members," said Russian Minister of Foreign Affairs Sergei Lavrov. "Naturally, it would help to raise the profile of this important subject, and its urgency, if ministers attend, as well. Incidentally, does anyone know if Kylie Jenner plans to be there?"
Critics of the organization have not hesitated to accuse the Council, and the UN as a whole, of hypocrisy. "I didn't see the Human Rights Council throwing so much as surprise eighth birthday party for Ban Ki-Moon's grand niece over the ongoing bloodbath in Syria," said former US Ambassador John Bolton. "That particular cocktail party has been raging for more than four years and killed more than two hundred thousand people, but do these delegates treat that as the impetus for a formal reception? I think we all know the answer, and it has nothing to do with Muslim objections to alcohol, I'm afraid."
Sudanese President and indicted war crimes suspect Omar Bashir has yet to confirm whether he will attend.