A cannibal went for a walk... ...and he passed his brother Why can't you starve in the desert? Because of all the sandwiches there. I just started watching a documentary about Abu Hamza... I'm hooked!

What do soy products and a vibrator have in common? The both substitute meat I like how my autocorrect changes ""hun"" to ""Hun,"" like I'm playfully referring to my girlfriends as barbarous 4th-century

The other day, my friend said that he thinks that I might have Asperger's Syndrome. I couldn't tell if he was joking, or being serious, or happy, or sad, or angry, or frightened, or... A Limerick There

Harry Potter was on last night, i decided to click on the subtitles so i could watch the movie and read the book at the same time What do you get when you mix Viagra with Disney World? Kicked out. What

When should I send a picture of my cat to my boyfriend? I checked online and they keep saying I should make him wait to see my pussy, but I don't see what the big deal is. Biggest Jewish Dilemma? Free

What do you call it when an inmate takes a picture of their-self? A Cellfie Why don't you want to win an award for Best Feline Sphincter? Because it's a catastrophe :-) Yeah, ok, I'll be going now. EDIT:

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer today... I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the elementary school? He woke up later I do the

What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaaaaaiiiins...... You may see white collar and blue collar workers in the work place. But I'm collar-blind. ~(Taken from the office). When people tell me ""You're gonna

The Best Day Ever by Trudy Light Post your best ""Jared Fogle"" jokes! Here's mine:Jared Fogle loves to eat little girls ham sandwiches. Some people wouldn't understand irony if it beat them over the head

How did the sloth become President of the tree? He slept his way to the top. ""This is OnStar. How can we assist?"" ""What are you wearing?"" ""Do I need to get a supervisor?"" ""Like a threesome? Is that

I used to be an adventurer like you... But then I took an arrow to the knee. If a tramp and a bunch of rich people are dressed the same, how does the tramp stand out? He begs to differ. *wife and I start

I'm getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I've been to in the last week that's had ""insufficient funds"". [coffee shop] *casually puts arm around wife* *reaches up to Free Wifi sign with a pen*

Yo Momma so black when she goes swimming poeple thinks shes and oil spill. What's the definition of a school report? A poison pen letter from the principal. That awkward moment at a feminist picnic when

Why was the potato chip angry? Because he was salty Edit: im so sorry. How many geese does it take to form a gaggle... 5 or more When I hear the Christmas song about nuts roasting on an open fire, my testicles

Maybe it's just me, but I know a few people that Cupid should shoot with a gun. Comcast opens an airline. The airplane only goes full speed to certain, partner airports and if the airplane flies further

A family in the Netherlands claims to be the biggest group of Oasis fans in the world.. They call themselves the van der Walls. The three modes of communication Telephone, Telegraph and Tell a woman Bruce

What's the most reliable thing about a Honda? It's theft rate. The blonde couldn't add Question: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator? Answer: She couldn't find the 10 key. In my spare

If you're still undecided on a certain tattoo, try it out first on your baby. Him: So what are you into? Me: *thinking of the newspaper cutouts of Justin Trudeau all over my bedroom walls and ceiling*

Why did the scarecrow win the nobel peace prize? Because he was outstanding in his field! Saw an attractive Muslim girl the other day.... ""Was she sunni?"" ""Nah, shi-ite"" What's good about Switzerland?

She was only the stableman's daughter but all the horsemen knew her. Just read that California leads the nation in depression cases and adultery. What a sad state of affairs. Decadent: Posessing only ten