Friends have asked me "How can you be so brave, that you resigned without securing the next job, and just go to Vietnam to volunteer? Where did you find the courage?"
"Why don't you just go and do it?" I said.
They said "I can't, I am scared I can't get any job after I've quit, I am scared I won't have enough money to survive." The other one said "I can't because I have houses, cars and insurance to pay for." Another friend said "I'll use up all of savings and end up with 0!"
Throughout my conversations with my peers and colleagues, I've discovered 2 biggest fear which are pinning them down.
You could be experiencing the same fear and desire as me.Job insecurity, "I am scared I can't get a job." Commitment, "I have houses, cars and bills to pay for."
I was in a pitfall, falling into depression and stress. I knew I had to get out of my company but I had a hard time looking for job. I couldn't quit because my brain is functioning to ensure I can survive, to make sure I have my next job before I quit. It is safer this way. I have to pay for my car too.
Time passes by and I continue falling into a hole of complete darkness, like a black hole. Fear, frustration, anxiety, stress, depression grew gradually. Fighting against these negative emotions, my heart told me, the only person who can save me is myself. But I still couldn't leave.
Fast forward, one Saturday morning, I went to visit a gynecologist. My menstruation cycle was badly affected due to bullshit world I've had. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). Effects of PCOS are hormonal imbalance, infertility, diabetes, heart diseases, and more.
Calmness lightly streamed through my veins and nerves. I felt neither shocked, scared but just calm. I was prepared for this, as if I knew this is going to happen. Later that night, I meditate. All of a sudden, I heard a voice from my heart, "This is a sign." Then, an article I've read popped up in my imagination. It was written,
"The only 2 reasons you need to leave your job.
Second, health is affected."
My health has been compromised and why am I still with the company? This is the trigger I need, inspired me to just do it.
The next Monday, I submitted my resignation request. I felt free. Never ever before I've felt so free and happy! I am finally doing what I have always wanted. And now what? Oops, I didn't thought about money, what to do next, how am I going to survive questions!
My friend, Sahmad texted me "How are you, Tifa?" I looked at the sender name and message. He once introduced me a website for people to volunteer overseas. This is it, volunteer is my passion and I'm going to live my passion right now!
I signed up, paid for the annual registration fee and started looking for volunteer vacancies. I planned my finance so that my savings are enough to cover me for a few months. I started emailing hosts and replies made me happy. I was so excited for every day!
I found a Teach English Homestay Program in Vietnam. Beautiful, kind and cheap country. Meals and accommodations are free. The perfect program for my budget. I got the role, booked my flight ticket and flew 2 weeks after. That story I'll leave it for my upcoming articles.
Notice that circumstances happening to me, are happening for me. They are connected and leads me to where I am today. What I have experienced may not be relevant to you, but these techniques can help you progress.
Caution: This is a self-connect session where you will be asking your heart. Cast your mind aside temporarily and let your heart answers.
Connect to yourself, ask these questions and write them down:
- What are my fears? What are holding me back?
- What do I really enjoy doing, and want to do it so badly?
- Why do I fear what I fear?
- Why do I want to do what I want to do?
- What needs to happen for me to discard my fears and do what I want to do?
Featured image credited to https://www.askideas.com/
Black hole image credited to https://www.sciencealert.com/
Volunteer image credited to https://www.wasagabeach.com/
Meditation image credited to https://www.mindful.org/
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