After taking some time to eat earlier this week, I've been having doubts as to whether or not I wish to continue for the month. I felt so much better when I ate, so much more alive, that I'm having my doubts as to whether my body is actually up to finishing the month.
On the other hand, I need to fulfill my promise to myself- this isn't about food, it isn't about health, it's about discipline. It's about turning around my life and taking back control. It's about putting a halt to the string of bad decisions that have led me to this point in my life and trying to begin to claw my way out.
Namely, it's about quitting smoking, which doesn't actually require fasting, and which still tempts me heavily. I haven't smoked anything, tobacco or otherwise, so I can't help but feel that the fast has done it's duty and going further with such restrictions may cause more harm than good.
On the bright side, my homemade broths are getting fucking DELICIOUS! I had never made any before, but had collected a bunch of bones in the freezer for raw materials and have since used most of them and I've had my crock pot running literally nonstop for a week and a half. Goat, brisket, chicken, I've been making it all and it's so good.
Since the lapse, I have continued with coffee, which has helped, but my mental state is still somewhat miserable as I am consistently hungry. Working in a kitchen is definitely not helping, and is in fact probably the hardest part of this entire operation.
In the end, I'm glad I did the first week, but I think I'm going to have to call off the rest of the month for my own sanity and physical health.
I'll see you on the mountain and as always:
Good Luck, Have Fun!
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