Those of you who come to my posts because of the funny pictures and gifs I put up will be sorely disappointed today. I initially Opted to not post so that you all would read the Notorious I.L.T's story and I was understandably disappointed his amazing post made more money than my mediocre ones. It's like you guys value quality or something... Pfft.

So in honor of the great story, which was my privilege to read while arguing with my wife about locking the keys in the house and then having to bicycle to work in the rain for the first time in 40 years, I decided I would write a post without any lies (other than the normal embellishment required for full comedic effect). I promise I won't lie at all (unless it suits me) and furthermore to pass on my jelly bean of knowledge I have gleaned from having spent 4 months now following Hive account@dj123 in order to extract all the information I can from their ginormous brain here is the cut down version.

Be Generous

By that I mean, be giving. The less steem you have the more you should give. Give your time, your attention, your upvotes, your comments, give yourself over to the (worthwhile) people of steemit. There are many people lured here (incorrectly) by the promise of money, but I'm sorry there is no money here, only people. There is bots here but if you think you will profit from just using the bots, you will be here a long time and see no progress. Focus on people, not money. Give yourself over to steem(it), like that time Billy convinced you that 5th base was a natural thing and all the other boys were doing it, so if you wanted to be cool you needed to give yourself to him. This is the same but less invasive.

Give away your upvotes

Find people like I.L.T. and upvote them. Yes I agree they're talented cunts and make your writing look like a chicken run over by a truck after escaping from a whorehouse with a G banger stuck to it's foot, but let's be honest they're fucking good. Need someone else to upvote go enjoy nobyeni, (Disappointingly her blog had nothing [well not nothing but very little] to do with nobs and more to do with how much smarter she is than the rest of us peasants and is willing to prove it by putting effort into her posts, the bitch). diebitch is another one you can visit and give away your upvotes freely to as they contribute more to steemit in one sentence than Hive account@steemnsfw does since the account was created by Hive account@traf.

Appreciate people

Again steemit isn't about money but about people, we the people drive it and make it a magical land where "haha"s turn into $$ if your lucky. And if you're not then oh well, go enjoy the hahas anyway they're fucking good. Go read Hive account@nonameslefttouse and give him upvotes while you laugh about his dick slamming into a door all because some arsehole created a contest. Show people you care about who they are and you may just make a friend.

Make Friends

I've made more friends in steemit than I have in real life, and I'm not even counting my friends through busy.org. I first saw Hive account@diebitch strolling through a field attacking the grass with a scythe, when I approached closer I realized I made a mistake turned out she had convinced death to cut her grass so she could write poems, it was smart they're very good. I wouldn't consider her a friend it's hard to be friends with anyone who you're afraid of because in their waking moments they provide you with a tongue lashing worthy of a ^{_{place of ill repute}}.

I.L.T. Yodith

I'm not quite sure how but this arsehole already knows how to be good a steemit. He's kind, generous, writes like a drunk Earnest Hemingway after being inspired by an argument between Einstein and Socrates, and entertains you like two monkeys doing it at the zoo. He refuses money or rewards and just wants to make friends with people who are good at what they do. Luckily for me I'm really good at taking other people's ideas and making them my own for profit or laughs, or that noise one makes after having too much milk in the morning and the at 2pm you realize you're lactose in tolerant much to the disgust of the janitor Hans, who happened to survive the war but quit his job after seeing the singular coloured Jackson Pollock you created in front of the cash register in the local Walmart while trying to buy paper towels for the office as Sheryl was away today looking after her granddaughter who stubbed her toe last night and in this crazy world of overly sensitive parents they kept her home from school lest it spread throughout her grade at the insistence of the principal who believed that vaccinating children was akin to the same sort of torture one has to endure while watching a presentation about how water is wet. But I digress.

Conclusion

Go forth and upvote and love each other. Yes technically steemit has already been claimed as being won and I'm about half way to agreeing with his sentiment but he will have to pry it from my cold frozen hands before I announce it.

TL;DR: If you want to win at steemit, be like Hive account@ilt-yodith. ask yourself WWID*?

_{^{* What Would Idikuci Do? He would act like ILT-Yodith}}