Perhaps you thought I was angry about Father's Day... well you have...

Greetings loyal followers.

A few days ago, I sent a transmission lambasting all of you for celebrating Father's Day and for having the gall to remind me of it. Rest assured, this impudence will not be forgotten.

Oh. You thought you had seen my angry side. As always, you were wrong!

As if the initial wave of rage I felt toward your people was not enough for you, some of your more foolish inhabitants have chosen to "poke the Wampa" and to continue to infuriate me.

My executive assistant Vera, who is a bundle of joy in an otherwise miserable world, has informed me that you losers are bombarding her with the most ridiculous transmissions I have ever received from your primitive and ignorant species (and that is saying a lot because many of your people are indescribably dull-witted).

This batch of utter nonsense and fallacies centers on younglings of your species.

Although it is true that I engage in farcical matrimony ceremonies as a form of entertainment, I assure you, I am very careful when it comes to the honeymoon activities.

By the way, another of your people's failures is in chewing gum production. This is simply the worst I have ever had.

Of course I am infallibly vigilant when it comes to preventing the creation of offspring. I freaking hate younglings. If you need any evidence, feel free to ask the Sand People or those little twits who ate my cookies.

The fact that I am so cautious makes these fake news stories about me even more laughable. I find them so ridiculous that I will not even address this fake news or the fake news outlets who spew such fake news and lies.

I am so much better than all of you. It is so easy for me to rise above this stupidity and simply ignore this fake news. I just don't give it any attention at all.

Except for right now...

Here are a few of the images that desperate women from your planet have sent me in a pathetic attempt to require me to provide them with the support they need and deserve in order to raise children for whom they claim I am responsible.

Just look at these kids!!!!

Do any of them resemble the most handsome, intelligent, powerful, fierce, brave, and awesome being in the universe?

Get real!

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Smiles too much.

Too cute... and he is dreaming of that other baby for some reason.

Too invisible.

Too disrespectful of non-linear timelines. Those guys are wearing CLONE TROOPER armor. We got rid of that trash as soon as we became the Empire. Stupid kid!