It's 7am here in Florida. I woke up about a half hour ago, tossing and turning. I barely slept yesterday (about 3 hours) and figured i would sleep hard last night. I guess not though. By midnight i was half asleep on the couch, went to bed, and my mind wouldn't stop racing. It took another hour for me to fall asleep.
It would seem my marriage is in jeopardy. My wife doesn't "feel the spark" she says. Nearly 8 years, 3 kids, and many ups and downs and suddenly she's acting like this isn't working for her.
It isn't like we're in some kind of abusive out neglectful situation. Ultimately it seems to boil down to the fact that i gained over 100 pounds since we started dating (she's gained over 70 but i have no complaints). The hard to face fact is that I'm simply not pleasing her sexually like i used to. It sucks to say that but facts don't give a fuck about feelings and you can't fix something if you're not willing to face it.
In the meantime the whole thing has put me on edge. I'm nearly constantly full of anxiety and grief. I'm normally a happy go lucky guy; cynical but looking for humor even in the darkest of places.
I'm an emotional eater. So being emotionally battered and trying to get my diet under control is one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do and i beat my heroin and crack addiction.
I will persevere.
