First off let me just say a big thank you to my buddy 
See his Rooster was beating the holy 7 bells outta one poor hen, Ninja. And he was getting more aggressive by the day.
The Phone call went something like this.
Ed: Remember that Favor I did you, Now I need a Favor.
Me: I'm listening
Ed: I need you to deal with this Mutha Fuckah.
Me: Which Mutha Fuckah?
Ed: MJ my Rooster.
Me: Quick and painless or you want him to suffer?
Ed: I don't care how you do it, get it done.
Me: Done I'll get him in the Trunk.
Ed: You will receive your payment only when the job is done. I also need proof.
Me: Fair enough.
Thus the hit was placed and dinner was on the cards.
So here's to you buddy.
That's one for them Shadow Hunters... spot the shadow! Seriously you guys should be worried... I'm probably gonna have to come to your community soon....
Awww Yeah Now Its on, Its time to get episodic on this Mutha Fuckah.
Welcome to...
Rubidos Kitchen Assault Course- Episode 2
Coq Au Vin - Trailer park style.
Also known as: Cock in a Van, Roadkill A La Vino, Rooster in Red Sauce
Rest in Pieces MJ.
First you Need a Rooster. Simple. Kill your own as I did here or buy one. I wont share photos of the deed itself. This is a recipe not a snuff film.
Now Once you got that Rooster prepped. You need a big ass pan, Put the Meat in and cover in one litre of Red Wine (Roughly 2 Pints).
Next add 4 large crushed cloves of garlic, you don't need to peel it. I like to use the flat of my knife for this, but you can do it however you like.
Next add a handful of Thyme sprigs and 4 or 5 bay leaves. Then Bang it in the Fridge overnight. 24 hours is better to give it time to think about why its in there.
Time to chill
24 Hours Later:
Take the meat and all of the bay, thyme, and garlic out of the wine. Place the meat on some kitchen towel to dry and keep that marinade! Put it in a jug.
No point crossing your legs buddy, its too late.
Take a minute to preheat your oven to 160 Degrees C or 320 F
Now relax, take a minute to gather your ingredients.
Mushrooms, Tomato Puree, Bay Leaves, Smoked Bacon Lardons, Garlic, Wait who stole one of my Fuckin Carrots?
Regardless onwards.
Pat the meat dry and Coat the Pieces in seasoned flour (flour with Salt, Pepper, you know the basics) and put to the side.
Maybe he needs some lotion?
Now in that nice big pan heat a knob of butter and some olive oil.
Fry the Rooster or Coq until its golden but not browned. Place it on a chopping board to cool and remove the skin. Trust me rooster skin is thick and you don't want that in your pot.
(If your using regular chicken brown it off and you can leave the skin on.)
Next add about 100 grams (1/3 cup) of Smoked Bacon Lardons, 4 chopped shallots, and one 1 chopped clove of garlic, Fry until translucent and the lardons start to shed their fat. At this stage the Flour stuck to the pan will be dark brown. Do not let it burn!
Lookin good so far
Deglaze the pan with a cup of the red wine marinade making sure to get all those bits stuck on the pan integrated.
Next mix in 3 TBSP of Good tomato puree and Add 2 bay leaves.
All mixed in? Good.
Now add the rest of the Marinade and bring to a boil. Then add 400ml of Homemade chicken stock ( I used the carcase and an old family recipe but you can cheat and buy ready made if you prefer.)
I should video homemade stock sometime.. It wiggles when cool. Side-tracked, Sorry.
Add A good dose of Freshly ground black pepper, 2 Tsps Herbs de Provence, 2 Tsps smoked paprika, and 1/2 tsp of grated nutmeg.
Reduce to a simmer and add the Meat back into the sauce.
Now put a lid on that bad boy and shove it into the oven. Its time to grab a glass of wine for yourself before the next steps.
Stir it every hour.
2 hours and a few glasses of wine later its time to add some chopped carrots, 2 in my case peeled and prepped.
Taste the sauce and add salt and pepper as required. At this stage it will be loosing the winey flavour and everything will be coming together nicely.
Put it back in the oven and let it reduce a bit. To loose that last bit of the alcohols bitterness.
Well done! Have another glass of wine you deserve it.
In the meantime prepare some mushrooms, I use Champignon Geant de Paris here but most large meaty white mushrooms work well.
See these are big chunks, bout 2 inches each piece. Well you cant see I didn't include anything for scale. But trust me ok? BIG.
As I said Remember this is a Rustic dish you want good chunks they're gonna shrink.
At Hour 3 its time to add these mushrooms and give it a good stir. You'll leave it alone from here on out.
But before you put it back in the oven... For the love of all thats holy put the lid back on. You dont wanna eat leather later do you? WELL DO YOU?!
Now you have choices on side dishes. I usually do some garlic bread with a day old baguette but you can equally serve with potatoes, or simply on its own with fresh Crusty bread, as is the way here.
Garlic bread method.
Prepare garlic butter by melting a good chunk of butter in a small pan. Do not let the solids split.
Add 1 to 2 cloves of chopped garlic, Depends on the size of your French stick, 1 Tbsp of Chopped Parsley and remove from heat Immediately.
Leave to cool and set until its spreadable.
If using day old bread moisten (Giggity) the outside of your baguette with water, not too much just enough to get it ready for its time in the oven.
Cut in half, Liberally apply garlic butter and bake at 180 C or (About 350 F) for 10 to 15 Minutes or it looks ready.
Ok back to our regularly scheduled program.
Ready.. Steady... Open the oven!
Look everything's cooked and the meat is literally falling off the bone.
Now time to get everything ready. Total cooking Time for Cock in a van 4 hours, 2 and a half if you use chicken. Eds Coq was tough and needed long slow tenderising.
Lets plate up shall we?
As stated served with Garlic bread and chopped Fresh parsley. I also like to hit it with a few flakes of parmagiano reggiano or Italian Parmesan.
Its Not traditionally part of this classic But it cuts through the wine sauce and adds a real depth of flavor.
Gotta say the ingredients list don't do this dinner justice. The long slow cooking time and depth of flavour really stands out. The Rooster meat is slightly stronger than chicken and as its completely free range there's no odd aftertaste. You know the Steroid and Antibiotic cocktail they get fed to add that certain something...
mmmmm juicy
The flavours mix together perfectly and has a well balanced profile. Perfect for showing of to friends, family, or that special someone.
This recipe is my own modification on a version I learned from an old Mamie down the road years ago. I hope you enjoy it and give it a go.
Good Wine good food. A double southern special. Sud Ouest French and Boondocks USA in one happy plate.
Trust me when I say I tried to make this perfectly over the years more than a hundred times. It took lots of experimentation, adding unnecessary things and removing necessary things to arrive at this point. It is now literally impossible to ruin. I can do it half cut, Hungover, For 6 or 60. I can actually do it blind on one leg and with an IV attached. Yeah I've done it. No excuses, Have a GO!
Let the ingredients speak for themselves and you will make a dinner that stops your friends halfway through the first bite.
For all the good reasons, not because its still frozen inside.😉
See no effort to dish up. Its a RUSTIC dinner. This is one your eyes ignore but your belly says, OHHHHHH Yes.
Please Note and in all seriousness, MJ The Rooster was dispatched Humanely, joking aside He never noticed a thing.
This post is equally in honour of all his hens (aside from one) who fell bravely in battle with a complete cunt of a fox.
RIP.
I do not condone or support any form of cruelty to animals. But I do eat meat and have no qualms about processing a happily raised animal over grabbing a packaged one that has lived in its own shit for the last year.
So If you wanna send a complaint, I'm afraid our customer complaint center is currently busy. Please try again later..
This public service announcement has been brought to you by Rubido's Bar, Grill and Crematorium. Serving food or something resembling it since 1989.
All photos taken on my chinesium Xiaomi Mi 11 lite
12 days now... I'm looking forward to Beer Saturday.
I decided I'm going to have a bit of fun on this 30 posts in 30 days. I'm going to do a post 31, and a giveaway on the 31st post, cause some months have 31 days or so I've been told.
In spite of my rough and ready appearance I'm an Antique dealer I know I already said it.
So it'll probably be old shit in your mailbox.
Stay tuned and engage down below . For every post from day 1 if you comment on it you will get one entry and a chance to win.
Then at the end of the 30 posts, on day 31 There will be a random raffle you will get a chance to win....
Really cool old shit.