Mondays can be overwhelming, well at least for me. It's too much to think that you just had a blast during the weekend, with 48 hours to relax and not care about emails, work-related group chats, and other messages that you don't really care about and at the same time, think about the new week unfolding right in front of you with all the deliverables and deadlines. Sometimes, I just want to mindfully breathe in and breathe out the entire day. But with the Monday rush, I don't think I have the time to do so.
That's why I decided to start my Mental Health Mondays series! I want to remind people that it's important to stay on top of things that feed us and our families but it's equally important to check on our Mental Health before we start a new week. It's the right thing to do before we deal with another set of possible triggers, stressors, and the like.
I sort of feel it's a bit late to start this series when I have already posted my first Mental Health Blog more than two (2) weeks ago. Nevertheless, we can always improve, right?
Hence, Mental Health Mondays is now in place, and in this series, I'll be sharing the rest of the things I've listed down in my first blog.
There are certain levels of anxiety and stress that are pretty normal and can be managed without difficulty. Sometimes, they don't need to be managed at all for they're nothing but passing emotions. We get anxious thinking about our bills and their due dates. We're stressed out when we're caught in the middle of a traffic jam. We get angry over false accusations spread by people who hate how successful we've become. But each one of us can only manage a certain threshold of stressors and beyond this level, that's where the problem starts to kick in.
In my first Mental Health post, I mentioned that I had a terrible anxiety attack. I was trembling, I had bad palpitations, I couldn't stop myself from crying, I had a slight difficulty breathing and my body was too cold. I felt like I was going to die any minute that night because I couldn't control any of the things I just mentioned.
Surprisingly, I was able to sleep that night but the following morning, I knew from the moment I opened my eyes that a war I waged against myself has just begun without my full knowledge and consent. And I knew, although reluctantly, it was a war I couldn't win on my own.
I knew it was time to get help when I realized that I couldn't do anything at work because my palpitations bother me the moment I sit on my desk. I knew it was time to get some real help when I couldn't be mentally present because my mind is overstimulated like it's a 4-year old child running and playing the entire day without being exhausted. The downside is that it's running here and there, even in places I am afraid for it to go and explore.
I knew it was time to seek professional help when I'd continuously put aside my piling tasks and deadlines, telling myself every day that it's okay to not finish anything as long as I just show up and survive the day's terror.
I knew it was the right time to ask for help when I'd be too exhausted to work because I didn't get a goodnight's rest. When one sleeps past midnight every day and wakes up to really bad palpitations, exhaustion at 6 AM is expected.
There was a time I detest calling my mother because hearing her voice would surely spark a staccato of emotions inside me and when left just like that it might explode into another anxiety attack. So I'd rather not hear her voice for days than get another attack.
My boyfriend and I had a few misunderstandings during this time because my illness makes me overthink rather than opening up at the onset of the slightest possible source of confusion. I easily get upset and overthink his reaction to my action. I fear making mistakes. I'm afraid that any word I say would be misinterpreted so I'd rather not talk and just keep things to myself as much as possible.
Moreover, I felt like I started to detach from my closest circle, although it's not that obvious. But I was slowly telling myself that it's time to go back inside my cave where I can be safe on my own.
Deep inside I know I couldn't do it alone anymore. No matter how much I reach out to the people closest to me, they couldn't help me. They might help me but the kind of help I'll be getting from them is temporary. In the long run, if I want to be better, I shouldn't and couldn't rely on anybody else except for myself.
I am always the brave one in the room. Always the one to speak up when things aren't the way they should be. Always waiting for the next opportunity to show itself so I'll be the first one to grab it. Always on the sunny side of the world even when there's nothing but rain and thunderstorms. Always glowing with peace, happiness, confidence, contentment, and freedom, that is who I am and I have no plans of becoming someone else.
Now imagine having anxiety. All of a sudden, I'm afraid to say things because I'm afraid to mess things up. I suddenly felt like I'm always under the weather for no apparent reason. And by just looking at my face you'd know that something inside wasn't right, wasn't how it used to be.
There was a prolonged feeling of helplessness as I try to solve things on my own, but one day I told myself: These things I'm going through right now aren't normal. I am no longer normal. I've done everything in my power but nothing seems to work. I can stay this way or I could seek help the soonest possible time and be better in a matter of weeks or months.
It took a lot of courage to ask for help, especially when you are living in a country where Mental Health is regarded only as "attention-seeking". But the tides are turning. And I am here to start turning the tides as I tell more stories about this journey.
✨That's it for now!✨
In my next Mental Health Mondays, I'll walk you through where to get help if you're from Cebu and what to expect from this professional Mental Health assistance.
If you have questions or if you feel like reaching out, you can always drop a comment or a message in the chat, I'd be more than happy to help you. Again, I am not a professional. All the things I'm sharing here are based on my personal experiences.
Living life intentionally every single day, she believes that there’s no limit to one’s potentials. Right now, she’s on the loose for the pursuit of endless holistic self-growth and development. She wants to light the way for others. She believes there’s no better way to leave a legacy than to pay it forward.
Her ultimate goal in life is to reach the state of enlightenment where there’s nothing but peace, love, happiness, and contentment - nothing more, nothing less.
If you are captivated by what this girl just wrote here, an upvote is pretty appreciated. Follow her as she tells her stories full of positivities. The next story might be for you! ❤️