The more we hide, lock ourselves up, not a single problem will come out resolved in our life.
Hi, life. Today I'm not fine. But I'm sure I'll be fine. Oh, hey, all my friends. Welcome to a more personal blog this time.
Accompanied by an iced coffee, I'll tell you about the past few weeks I've been dealing with, my struggle with bouts of depression that pulled me to the lowest point in my life at that time.
At least by writing this, I know it will be better. In the past few weeks, when the problem snowball was small, I've avoided my friends. I even deleted the chat application that I used to communicate with my friends.
Over time, that's right. It was like a snowball that was getting bigger by the day. I'm not fine. I ended up falling into the deepest pit of depression. I was not okay at that time. But in the second I wrote this post, I was much better.
Walk Out and Breathe In
While walking out and breathing in seems like the simplest things a human being can do, in fact, it is not that simple when one is in the darkest moments of his life. That person just wanted to lock himself in a room and had no interest at all even to look at the sky that day. That was me a few days ago.
Luckily, when I posted on HIVE, there were a lot of positive comments that made me want to move on to create more works. I miss cooking, I miss being creative with food plating activities, and I miss my smile which I usually show in my poses in my posts.
Maybe for those of you who have noticed, in the past few weeks, I rarely display what I posted frequently before. I'm mostly posting content supplies that I've created a few months ago.
Finally, I felt like getting up again. I realized I had lost myself and I had to find it again. I realize I've fallen apart, but this is life which is a process of reshaping ourselves for the better. We've fallen apart, we've fallen in the deepest hole, but that doesn't mean we can't meet on the top :).
I took my old sandals, then I went to the rice field not far from behind my house. While carrying iced coffee and toasts that had just arrived from the delivery order process, I was looking for a good spot to enjoy the late afternoon time.
I realized what a loss it would be for me to miss all these beauties. During my worst times, I thought too much of the negative as if there was nothing beautiful to enjoy.
Loss of Boundaries Leads to Loss of Freedom
I took a sip of Iced Coffee Milk while remembering the mistakes that made me sink. I lost track of the actions I took to help those closest to me, including my parents. I was too naive and forgot that our family can be a source of deadly toxic relationships in this world.
No, no, it's not my family's fault. It's entirely my fault for not setting limits on what I can do, and what I shouldn't do for them. When I give all of myself to them, I do feel happy, but it was never happy. I gave my all but in the end I lost myself, and I lost the freedom that I had always been.
It's not easy to get up and say no, I don't do that anymore. But finally I can say that because I'm fed up and hate myself that keeps falling into adversity.
I must be responsible for my life, and in the end, I must save myself, not others, not my family. I am responsible for joy and happiness in my life.
Most of the time we lose our true selves because we want to make other people happy. We want to love people to the fullest, but then what happens is that we become empty ourselves.
It's never too late to realize and rediscover what we should have found. I am grateful that there is still an opportunity for me to feel that I must rediscover myself. There are lots of people out there who are still caught up in the rush of other people's wills and fail to realize what they want.
Coffee and Toasts From “Janji Jiwa Brand”
Thank you to the universe for still allowing me to have these good things and share them with you. This afternoon I have Iced Coffee Milk, and 2 Versions of Toasts from one of my fav brands, “Janji Jiwa” .
This Iced Coffee Milk seems like the default taste that my tongue wants. It just feels right. Just that. Not too much, not lacking, but also not making me want to change brands.
Beef Mayo Toast
The first version of toast I enjoyed was Beef Mayo Toast. Inside it is combined with an omelet as well as sliced beef and served with a mayo topping, sprinkled with spring onions.
What surprised me deliciously was the version of the omelet they served. It was so soft and creamy. For me, it is delicious and addictive.
Well, for the record, maybe some people will not like this version of toast, but about taste is a subjective thing and we can't force several people to have the same taste orientation. At least, in my opinion, this menu is worth trying :)
Tuna Mayo Toast
This version of the toast is for my mom. Seems to have a thinner filling than the previous version one. Contains tuna slices, also with omelet and topped with mayo.
Let Nature Heal Your Soul
It looks like unbelievable magic, but nature always has a special way that is tailored to each person to heal the wounds of life. But with a note, we must be aware that we need to be healed.
We must be aware that we are hurting and want to welcome our healing with joy and happiness. Don't some people don't want to get well because they feel they are fine? Be careful with your manipulative thoughts.
I hope you can find what you deserve to find today. Have a great day, good people, HIVE Lovers!
Thank you for reading my blog and reblog if you want my blog this time worthy of reading by others.
All Pictures Were Taken by iPhone 11.
Best Regards,
Anggrek Lestari
Anggrek Lestari is an Indonesian fiction writer who has published two major books. Now She is a full-time content creator. She has a goal to share life, poem, food content that makes others happy and can get inspiration.
Make sure you follow her blog as well for some interesting discussions about life other than food.
If you need a copywriter for your projects, Anggrek Lestari will be ready to help you.
Contact Person: authoranggreklestari@gmail.com
Discord: anggreklestari#3009