Table of Contents:
Short Stories of the Clumsy Knights and Friends
- Sir Pubbleglum's Caved Dragon Quest
- Sir Yokel Gifts His Lance to a Troll
- Banglethud Defeated an Army of Trolls
- Sir Grumblethud and Sir Butteryslip's Fishing Trip
- Sir Butteryslip and the Cursed Peel
- The Kingdom of Grudgewater
- The Giant of Mount Crumble
- The Wicked Enchantress
- Lake Monster and the Hydra
- Re-telling of the Failed Perfectian Attack on Clumsalon
Short Stories of the Clumsy Knights and Friends
Sir Pubbleglum's Sausage Rope
Sir Pubbleglum Stuns the Dragon
Sir Pubbleglum's Caved Dragon Quest WAX NFT
Sir Pubbleglum's Caved Dragon Quest
The famous apologist to animals, the knight in shining silver armor—Sir Pubbleglum the Soggy—was dangling from his sausage rope, attempting to spy on the Caved Dragon in its den by royal decree of the King of Clumsalon.
The rope, alas, suddenly snapped. Seventy pounds of gleaming armor plummeted through the cave roof, landing squarely atop the majestic beast and stunning it senseless.
What Sir Pubbleglum did not realize—before he embarked on this perilous quest—was that Sir Thundersnack the Kitchen Raider had paid a visit to Clumsalon the day prior. Somehow sniffing his way into Sir Pubbleglum's travel supplies, the raider had mistaken the carefully coiled sausage rope for a tasty treat. He tossed it onto a freshly lit campfire in the lopsided courtyard, where his stomach eagerly devoured half the sausages.
Only after his feast did Sir Thundersnack realize it was, in fact, an actual climbing rope. With hasty regret, he returned the remaining half-eaten length to Sir Pubbleglum's gear—just in time for the knight's departure on the Caved Dragon Quest.
If only Sir Pubbleglum the Soggy had known what awaited him in that cave.
After a lengthy period without any communication from Sir Pubbleglum, the Order of the Backwards Plume, on behalf of the King of Clumsalon, sent out a search party led by Sir Yokel the Younger and Dame Clattercrash. After an extensive search of the area, they found Sir Pubbleglum profusely apologizing to the dragon while the two shared the remaining rope sausage over an open flame.
The Troll and the Sorcerer
Sir Yokel Gifts His Lance to a Troll WAX NFT
Sir Yokel Gifts His Lance to a Troll
In an age of shadowy curses, clerics—once thought to be mythological—bound a perfidious sorcerer with the cursed Reanimate rune spell: death would trigger instant resurrection, but each revival left him more shattered, clinging to life by ever-thinning threads of time.
On a storm-racked day, Sir Yokel the Younger—just twelve, heart pure and armor gleaming—faced a miniature-sized troll. With flawless courtesy, he offered his lance.
"Good sir troll, might you accept this gift? The sorcerer ahead requires... um, encouragement."
The troll, stunned, looked at Sir Yokel, then immediately took the weapon and struck down the foe in a single savage burst. The sorcerer fell, and silence gripped the air—momentarily.
Then the rune ignited—a blaze of crimson fire rose from the corpse. Bones cracked back into place; eyes flared open. The sorcerer rose again, gasping, weakened, yet undying. The curse had been triggered through innocent hands.
Such was the boy's fate.
First came the Giant of Mount Crumble. Sir Yokel politely asked the giant: "Mighty one, can you please leave the villagers alone? Or you will have to leave these lands by decree of the King of Clumsalon."
As Sir Yokel stared at the giant’s knee, the giant’s laughter echoed throughout the mountain peaks. He laughed so hard he ruptured something and plunged off the peak in a roar. He crashed below, head still spinning, wits scattered—yet from that day, an ally was forged between Sir Yokel and the Giant.
Now this: the young knight yielding his sole Clumsalon lance to a troll, unwittingly unleashing cursed immortality once more. What courteous cataclysms loom next for these Clumsy Knights? The fates laugh in the gathering dark.
A Lopsided Cannon
Divine Judgement Sneeze
Banglethud Defeated an Army of Trolls WAX NFT
Banglethud Defeated an Army of Trolls
Lady Banglethud once defeated an army of trolls with a single allergic sneeze that sounded like divine judgment. It drenched the troll army like a waterfall.
The sneezing phenomenon is mostly Sir Yokel’s domain, as he is caught sneezing far often. When it comes to dust, though, Lady Banglethud’s sneezes come at a cost—not to her, but to her enemies. As for the drenched troll army, they retreated so quickly they would have won medals in the ancient Greek Olympics—a testament to how fast they ran for their dear lives. This was a victory wrapped in embarrassment and greased with butter, though the shame belonged squarely to the Olympic-speed trolls of Clumsalon.
She does not always rely on her judgment-like sneezes to win wars. Just a year ago, the Kingdom of Clumsalon was under attack by an unknown army. As the Clumsy Knights of the "Order of the Backwards Plume" prepared to defend their lopsided castle at all costs, Lady Banglethud was ordered (or so she thought) to fire a single warning shot from the castle’s lopsided cannon. She over-packed the powder and lit the fuse; the resulting recoil launched the entire cannon off the battlements. It fell six stories, punched through the invading army’s siege tower, and rolled downhill like a bowling ball of fire, scattering the enemy’s in perfect formation. The army retreated in terror, running as if they, too, were trying out for the Olympics. Banglethud still insists she meant to do that.
Crocodiles slithering towards the Knights
Sir Grumblethud & Sir Butteryslip Camp Site
Sir Grumblethud and Sir Butteryslip's Fishing Trip WAX NFT
Sir Grumblethud and Sir Butteryslip's Fishing Trip
By order of the King of Perfectia, both Sir Grumblethud the Grumpy and Sir Butteryslip the Interesting were tasked to go on a fishing trip. Sir Butteryslip was specifically assigned to make his grumpy fellow knight smile for once. The King had originally planned to send Sir Thundersnack the Kitchen Raider, but quickly changed his mind due to Thundersnack's ferocious appetite. The last thing the Kingdom needed was Sir Thundersnack eating all the packed provisions—and the fish in the lake.
Both Perfectian knights arrived at Lake Monster for a nice fishing and camping break. Little did they know, they had been sent to this particular spot because villagers had been complaining about something coming out of the water and rummaging through their farmlands. One villager had even witnessed drag marks leading from the lake straight to their crops.
The two knights made camp, got a campfire going, put up a tent, set out their fishing poles, and began to enjoy the wilderness of peace and quiet. That was when Sir Butteryslip noticed something moving toward them. He quietly stood up, while Sir Grumblethud watched him suspiciously from the corner of his eye in his usual grumpy manner.
Sir Butteryslip moved closer to investigate—and suddenly three crocodiles emerged from a different part of Lake Monster, charging fast toward the Perfectian knight. The largest of the three lunged forward to snatch him. Sir Butteryslip fended off the crocs as best he could, all while desperately trying to get Sir Grumblethud's attention. Instead, the grumpy knight only grew increasingly annoyed by all the noise behind him.
As Sir Butteryslip tried to flee, his belt snagged on a thick tree branch. He could have easily freed himself, but out of nowhere, a banana peel lay right beneath his armored boots. The combination of the snag and the slippery peel catapulted him straight into the crocodiles, smashing them all back into the lake.
It's a good thing Sir Butteryslip had his full armor on, or he wouldn't have been protected. After puzzling over where that infernal banana peel had come from, he returned to camp with crocodile teeth marks all over his breastplate. Sir Grumblethud gave a quick stare in amazement, cracked a brief smile, then immediately reverted to his old grumpiness.
Now we know why Sir Butteryslip the Interesting earned his name—he's the only known knight who steps on banana peels that appear out of nowhere. Fellow knights in Perfectia and Clumsalon speculate that he might have been cursed by a witch he once defeated. When she surrendered, she offered him a fruit platter in gratitude for letting her live. That fruit platter, of course, contained bananas.
The Witch Enchantress
The Witches Banana Fruit Bowl
Sir Butteryslip and the Cursed Peel WAX NFT
Sir Butteryslip and the Cursed Peel
Sir Butteryslip from the Kingdom of Perfectia, and a member of the Perfechian Guard of Shearmelstrom, was not always a Perfectian knight. Before joining the order, he ventured on his own, helping the needy and the poor.
One day, in a faraway land, Sir Butteryslip was summoned by villagers tormented by a witch—guilty of continuous and relentless mischief.
Sir Butteryslip heard the call and galloped as fast as he could on his trusted horse. Upon arrival, he quickly began questioning the villagers to aid his investigation into locating the witch. No one knew where she lived, so Sir Butteryslip decided to stay as long as necessary until the witch revealed herself.
He settled in quite comfortably. A week passed, but no witch appeared. Then, one night, she emerged just outside the villagers’ courtyard—where they usually set up tables with food and drinks during the day.
Sir Butteryslip, napping at the time, heard a ruckus in the courtyard. He quickly donned his armour and went to investigate the chaos. And there she was: tall, dark, and somewhat seductive, with a knowing smile, causing mischief by playing with the villagers and scaring them until fear shone in their eyes.
Sir Butteryslip swiftly drew his sword and called out, “You are surrounded, wench! Surrender or face my blade!”
The witch immediately ceased her antics and looked at him with confused yet seductive eyes. “Well, how do you do, sir?” she said in a soft, sultry tone.
Sir Butteryslip met her gaze and fought back unnatural desires. He took a deep breath. “Hey, witch—your seductive tricks don’t work on me. Stop wasting my time. Leave these villagers and never return.”
The witch looked at him and said, “Call me Enchantress, because that is what I am.” She continued in a soft, sarcastic tone: “I was just playing with the villagers. They love it when I come here—especially the men. Don’t you, dears?”
Sir Butteryslip had enough of her mind games. He slowly advanced, sword in one hand and wits in the other. He swung his blade—not to harm, but to scare her into retreating. Yet she didn’t flinch, and his legendary serpentine sword, known to ignite with blue flame when near danger, remained dark.
He paused. She’s no threat, he thought. Had she been, my sword would have flared.
He tried a diplomatic approach. “Enchantress,” he said, “this was your final warning. I have you surrounded, my sword drawn. Surrender, and I will escort you home—on the condition you never harass these villagers again. Or face imprisonment for your crimes. Which will it be?”
The witch smiled. “You called me Enchantress… why, thank you, kind sir. I surrender—and I would love an escort back to my home by such a brave knight.”
Sir Butteryslip looked surprised. This is too easy, he thought.
With sword still drawn, he escorted the witch to her home—an hour-and-a-half journey. Along the way, she was polite, and Sir Butteryslip showed her kindness, though he remained skeptical of her intentions.
At her doorstep, the witch invited him inside, but he politely declined. She smiled. “Well, at least let me fix you some food for your journey back. You’ve been so kind—I’d love to return the favor, sir,” she said.
Sir Butteryslip considered it and accepted. “Yes, please. That would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, Enchantress.”
Fifteen minutes later, she emerged with a fruit platter—filled with a variety of fruits, predominantly bananas. She smiled. “Do you like bananas?”
“Yes, I love them. Thank you,” he replied, accepting the gift.
Sir Butteryslip said to himself, I'm going to have a couple of bananas before I start my journey, while licking his lips at the sight of them. The witch, watching him eat the bananas, had a mischievous look on her face.
He bid her farewell, reminded her to cause no more mischief, and began his trek back to the village.
During his journey, he felt slightly unwell—something off in his stomach. It’s nothing, he told himself, and pressed on.
Upon reaching the village, just outside the courtyard, he suddenly slipped—landing flat on his back and sliding across the ground until a stack of hay broke his fall. Confused, he muttered aloud, “This has never happened before. The ground was dry and clear.”
A child started to speak, but a parent quickly covered the child’s mouth, shaking their head in silent warning.
Sir Butteryslip noticed nothing amiss. He stood, dusted himself off, glanced around for anything slippery, found nothing, and delivered the good news to the villagers. He then returned to his room, packed his provisions, and left—ready for new adventures.
Those new adventures eventually led him to the Kingdom of Clumsalon, where—despite being quite clumsy—the Order of the Backwards Plume still denied him and told him to try the Kingdom of Perfectia, as they were looking for flawless (and not-so-flawless) knights.
He followed Clumsalon's directions and eventually made it to the Kingdom of Perfectia, where he was accepted as Sir Butteryslip "the Interesting" because those buttered banana peels only appear under his armored boots when he's in danger or when he's about to face a foe.
Now we know why the Order of the Backwards Plume denied his application to join: his clumsiness is unnatural and fraught with witchery.
And why the Perfechian Guard of Shearmelstrom bestowed upon him the title "the Interesting"—for in a kingdom of flawless knights, nothing is quite so captivating as one who falls spectacularly... and rises anyway.
Kingdom of Grudgewater
The Kingdom of Grudgewater WAX NFT
An eighth kingdom, hidden from the world and known only to the Clumsy Knights—thanks to Sir Ouchington’s unusual talent for sky-gliding (mostly by accident, and usually at high speed).
Sir Ouchington is permanently banned from entering Grudgewater, a rule set in stone after the now-famous Midsummer Tournament mishap (as recorded in his NFT bio). During a standard joust, he was launched from his horse with such force that he sailed clear over the city wall, past a field of surprised farmers, and landed with a tremendous splash in the moat of a neighboring kingdom thirty miles away: the once-hostile realm of Grudgewater.
At the time, relations between Grudgewater and Clumsalon were tense, to say the least. But when Sir Ouchington bobbed to the surface—dripping wet, somehow still smiling, and clutching a royal pennant he’d snagged along the way—the King of Grudgewater assumed this was a bold (if very strange) assassination attempt.
Messengers were quickly sent with a generous offer: a chest of gold and three fine milking goats in return for a lasting peace treaty, a full alliance, and the permanent banishment of Sir Ouchington from Grudgewater forever.
The King’s lavish terms came from genuine concern—he never guessed the truth: it was nothing more than classic, unintentional Clumsy Knight clumsiness. And so, one spectacularly accidental flight turned two wary kingdoms into steadfast friends.
The Mount Crumble Giant
The Giant of Mount Crumble WAX NFT
The very same giant and mountain referenced in Sir Yokel the Younger's bio.
At just twelve years old, Sir Yokel bravely faced the troublesome giant who had been stirring up mischief across the Kingdom. As part of his knighthood, the King tasked the young squire with a straightforward quest: march to Mount Crumble and kindly ask the giant to move along.
When Sir Yokel delivered the message, the giant laughed so uproariously that he ruptured himself mid-guffaw, staggered, and toppled backwards off the mountain's edge.
In true Clumsy Knight fashion, Sir Yokel lunged forward—arms outstretched, eyes closed tight—intending to catch the falling giant. Instead, he snagged the giant’s enormous club as it plummeted earthward. Total accident, naturally.
That club still serves as the Kingdom’s favorite plaything: the children of Clumsalon treat it like an oversized sword, and it’s about the size of a goat barn.
After his dramatic tumble, the chastened giant sent word asking to stay peacefully on Mount Crumble, vowing never to trouble the villagers—or anyone—again.
Sir Yokel was overjoyed. To this day, he visits his unlikely friend, happily chatting away while standing at eye level with the giant’s knee.
The Wicked Enchantress
The Wicked Enchantress WAX NFT
The wicked enchantress had tormented the villagers and farmers of Perfectia and Clumsalon for years with her relentless mischief.
Her small castle, perched on a rocky crag beside the riverbed that flows toward Lake Monster, is perpetually shrouded in thick grey mist and swirling fog—an ancient enchantment she wove to shield her domain from prying eyes. Scrying spells, distant scouts, and curious travelers see only blurred shapes through the veil; the red glow from her open gateway is the only clear sign that something wicked waits within.
The King, at his wit’s end, ordered Sir Toppleberry to assemble Knights from the Order of the Backwards Plume and either bring her to surrender or end her threats for good.
Sir Toppleberry, never one to delegate, set out alone. After a long journey, he arrived at her small castle, nestled beside the riverbed that flows toward Lake Monster.
In a grand, mead-fueled display of confidence, he challenged her to a duel of honor. She laughed heartily—expecting to crush him effortlessly.
But just as she opened her mouth to accept, Sir Toppleberry slipped on a slick patch of wet leaves. He slid headfirst down the entire length of her stone drawbridge on his back, slamming into the chains with a tremendous crack.
The chains snapped, the drawbridge collapsed, and the enchantress was flattened like a pancake beneath the falling structure.
Her magic slowly restored her form, but the humiliation was complete. She surrendered immediately, promising never again to harass travelers from Clumsalon or Perfectia.
To this day, the Kingdom keeps a close watch on her and her modest castle, which sits peacefully by the riverbed leading to Lake Monster.
The Hydra in Lake Monster
Lake Monster and the Hydra WAX NFT
Sir Pubbleglum the Soggy was dispatched by the Order of the Backwards Plume to travel northwest to Lake Monster and slay the cunning Hydra that lurked in its depths.
The nearby villagers of Perfectia relied on the lake for fishing and swimming, but the Hydra repeatedly attacked them. Even the elite Knights of the Perfectian Guard of Shearmelstrom had failed to defeat the beast. Desperate, Perfectia sent word to Clumsalon requesting assistance.
Clumsalon’s King responded by sending Sir Pubbleglum the Soggy to aid them.
Bravely, Sir Pubbleglum rowed out onto the lake in search of the Hydra—completely unaware that his seventy-pound plate armor would prove disastrous in a boat. The vessel promptly capsized and sank (as noted in his NFT bio).
As he began sinking rapidly to the bottom, Sir Pubbleglum flailed his arms and legs in frantic panic. His wild thrashing slapped the Hydra with such force that it was hurled clear onto the nearby shore, knocking itself out cold.
Sir Pubbleglum eventually reached safety by simply sinking to the lake bed and walking ashore underwater.
The Kingdom of Perfectia, worried after he went missing for several hours, launched a search party. They later found him standing calmly on the lake bottom, still apologizing profusely to the startled fish swimming around him.
Once again, a Clumsy Knight saved the day through sheer unintended clumsiness.
The Hydra, now reformed and gentle as a pet, made peace with both Clumsalon and Perfectia. It even helps nearby villagers with their fishing and swimming whenever it’s in the area.
Another ceremonial platter of buttered turnips
A ceremonial platter of buttered turnips
Re-telling of the Failed Perfectian Attack on Clumsalon
The Failed Perfectian Attack WAX NFT
The Clumsy Knights of Clumsalon are a legendary order of accidental heroic warriors, renowned for saving their Kingdom through chaotic mishaps and sheer clumsiness. Founded by the legendary knight Sir Toppleberry the Unsteady, the Order of the Backwards Plume demands that its members master swordplay, shield-blocking—and, most crucially, exceptional clumsiness. Their victories are never planned: dropped swords ricochet perfectly into enemy ranks, arrows boomerang back to burst war-balloons, and buttered turnip avalanches bury entire invading forces.
Their finest hour arrived when the flawless Knights of Perfectia marched into Clumsalon lands, stopping just a couple of miles from the Lopsided Castle. Their mission: to punish the Clumsy Knights for "aesthetic crimes against chivalry." The Clumsy Knights arrived late, still arguing over a backwards banner tied to a donkey. In just seven chaotic minutes, the Clumsy Knights defeated the invaders through pure accidental brilliance—sending the Perfectians fleeing and begging for lessons in how to fall off a horse with style.
The Order's key members include:
Sir Pubbleglum the Soggy, who once sank in full armor to defeat a dragon during one of his legendary clumsiness-fueled adventures known as the Caved Dragon Quest.
Lady Banglethud, whose cannon recoil launched a rolling thunderbolt that scattered an entire army of trolls. All Clumsiness aside, Banglethud still insists she meant to do that.
Sir Yokel the Younger, who politely asked a giant to leave Mount Crumble—and watched it obey only after it toppled backwards off the mountain's edge....
Sir Flailwild, who accidentally unleashed a swarm of bees, defeating a baron's guards and ultimately saving a princess from a flying kingdom known as LightningAir.
Sir Ouchington, who accidentally invaded a hostile kingdom known as Grudgewater, winning a bloodless war through unadulterated clumsiness.
The kingdom of Clumsalon remains hidden from evil, accessible only to those with a pure heart and genuine clumsiness. The Clumsy Knights continue to protect the realm, their legacy immortalized in tales and the ever-present “SPROING-ng-ng-ng” of their noisy armor echoing through the lopsided castle.
The Clumsy Knights defeated the Knights of Perfectia through a whirlwind of accidental brilliance. Their unplanned mishaps—ricocheting weapons, unintended tactical blunders, and especially the infamous buttered turnip avalanche—disoriented and overwhelmed the rigid, precision-obsessed Perfectians, who were utterly unprepared for such unpredictable chaos. Every failure turned into victory, forcing the invaders to retreat in humiliation.
The most memorable tactical "move" was the buttered turnip avalanche—an entirely accidental maneuver. As the Perfectians advanced up the hill toward the Lopsided Castle during the battle, Sir Pubbleglum the Soggy slipped on a soggy bed of fallen leaves while carrying a ceremonial platter of buttered turnips intended for a post-battle feast (not as a weapon). The greasy root vegetables tumbled down the hill, creating a slick, cascading wave that buried the advancing Perfectian formation. Knights lost their footing in their polished armor, sliding helplessly and retreating in disbelief.
This unplanned kitchen mishap perfectly exemplified the Clumsy Knights' signature blend of chaos and accidental genius, transforming a simple slip into a decisive battlefield triumph. The Knights of Perfectia, trained in rigid order and flawless execution, were completely unequipped to handle such absurdity. Overwhelmed by the buttered turnip avalanche and other chaotic blunders, they surrendered in humiliation—later begging for lessons in stylish falling.
Sir Perfechia, founder of the Perfechian Guard of Shearmelstrom, stood jaw-dropped at the unintentional victory. Humiliated yet awestruck by the absurd brilliance of their defeat, he accepted the outcome with grace. Days later, the King of Perfectia sent messengers proposing a long-lasting peace treaty, which Clumsalon happily accepted. The two kingdoms forged a lasting alliance, turning former rivals into lifelong friends united by mutual respect and the shared memory of an unforgettable battle.
The peace treaty between Clumsalon and Perfectia was sealed with the King's Alliance Seal, binding both realms to eternal friendship under penalty of losing their kingdoms if broken. It included diplomatic terms of measured pastries—symbolizing balance between order and chaos—and lasting cooperation that later extended to other kingdoms, such as LightningAir. The treaty also set important precedents, including mutual protection clauses (mirroring later agreements with Grudgewater, which included specific exclusions—e.g., Sir Ouchington’s banishment) and accords with the new Kingdom of Avalorthington, particularly concerning the young Red Knight and King.
You can read more about other alliances that also signed the King's Alliance Seal in the chaptered series below called The Clumsy Knights and the Abandoned Castle
To Be Continued
Quick Links
Part 1: Tales of the Clumsy Knights
Part 2: The Clumsy Knights Saga Continues
Part 3: The Clumsy Knights Meet New Foes
Part 4: The Clumsy Knights and the Seven Kingdoms
Part 5: The Clumsy Knights and the Alliance
Part 6: The Clumsy Knights and the Hidden Kingdom
Part 7: The Clumsy Knights and the Abandoned Castle
Part 8: Chronicles of the Clumsy Knights
Part 10: TimberMist and the Clumsy Knights
Part 11: The Famished, the Yummy and the Clumsy Knights
Part 12: Trolls, Sorcerers and the Clumsy Knights
Complete Story Guide: The Clumsy Knights: Complete Story Guide
The chronicles are still being written. Somewhere in the castle tonight another knight is oiling his armor, polishing his sword with butter, and preparing to save the world by tripping over it tomorrow.
The Clumsy Knights NFT Collection Site(s):
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