Chicken Snake Rider! Roaring through the skies.
Chicken Snake Rider, killing all he spies.
CHICKEN SNAKE RIDER!
I made a whooshing noise as I whipped Chicken Snake Rider back and forth in front of the Little Boom who despite being almost three-years-old still seemed to appreciate my daft games.
If it wasn't immediately apparent, Chicken Snake Rider was a toy chicken who I perched on the back of a rubber snake before whooshing him about the sky singing the Chicken Snake Rider song to entertain the Little Boom.
It was most categorically not some sordid sex toy made out of two raw chicken breasts, some hand soap and elastic bands.
Oh, I know. The pedants among you might think it should be Chicken, Snake Rider. But I shit on pedants with my brothy beef-eye so nyah.
Daddy, Mr Dinosaur is in trouble?
The Little Boom pointed urgently at a small table nearby. Horrifyingly, he was right. Mr Dinosaur was hanging precariously from the edge of the table mere moments from certain death
Mr Dinosaur is in trouble, little man. You are right. What are we going to do?!
I looked around me frantically.
It seemed hopeless for Mr Dinosaur. Almost as if he was being pushed by a little hand he seemed to inch ever closer to the edge of the precipice that was the small table.
Daddy!? Daddy, help!! Someone must help him?!
The Little Boom was becoming frantic as Mr Dinosaur slowly began to topple over the edge.
I held a hand to my mouth in horror at the unfolding tragedy.
Nooooooooooo!!!!!
The Little Boom cried out as Mr Dinosaur tipped forward.
Chicken Snake Rider! Roaring through the skies.
Chicken Snake Rider, killing all he spies.
CHICKEN SNAKE RIDER!
As if from nowhere, Chicken Snake Rider came roaring to the rescue held aloft solely by the power of my hand. Chicken pulled up next to Mr Dinosaur and heroically dragged him back from the precipice.
Myself and the Little Boom breathed a sigh of relief.
All was well with the world.
There was a chuckle from behind me.
Oh, Daddy-Bear. He does love your 'Chicken Snake Rider' games.
It was the Good Lady, a smile on her face as she watched us play.
Just doin my job ma'am.
I winked heroically at the Good Lady.
You know though, there is only one small problem?
The Good Lady giggled slightly and pointed at Chicken Snake Rider.
What? What problem?
I gave the Good Lady a hard stare as if she had washed off her make up before coming to bed again.
Well...
The Good Lady pointed at Chicken of Chicken Snake Rider fame.
The chicken you are playing with. You do know it's a duck, don't you?
She laughed as if destroying happiness was her new thing.
I looked down at Chicken. Damn. She was right, actually. He was a duck.
Shaking my head at her, I put Chicken Snake Rider down and gave the Good Lady a reproachful look.
Some people just want to watch the world burn.