I would not end up in the van Mesdag nor Pieter Baan. The point is everybody has excuses, small or big ones, why they act the way they do. Nobody takes or needs to take responsibility for his/her own actions. There is alwsys someone or something to blame. Have a look at Holleeder for example. But if it comes to me I do not have the right to blame anyone or anything. I never get some credit. Every word I say, thing I do is measured. How come I never get some credit, a break? I don't agree with your doctor... there are way more nuts walking around free as locked in. Same with criminals.
I have no feelings of hate... so perhaps you are lucky you feel something. Even if these feelings are ups and downs.