Hello beautiful being of light! Welcome, welcome ✨ ✨
I have recently realized that a lack of clear communication was to blame for almost all of the problems in my relationships -- romantic, friendly, familial, and work relationships.
Over the past year or so, I have been very actively working to improve my communication skills, and in my last post I shared 6 tips for helping to create more conscious communication in your life to help you grow in your relationships.
For this post, I would share a set of 8 questions that I use specifically in my romantic relationship to help create more conscious and clear communication, so that we can continue to grow and deepen our understanding of each other.
However, these questions can be used to create deeper understanding and acceptance in any of your relationships (friends, lovers, family, colleagues).
When my partner 
This was something that I had heard about from a couple a few years back, who get together around their anniversary each year to talk about the past year, and decide if they want to give it another go, and the idea to continually check in with each other always resonated with me. So I wholeheartedly agreed to these "meetings".
We decided to have them around the same time each month, so we chose the New Moon as a timekeeper. And I think around the New Moon is a great time to have these talks, because it's the beginning of a new cycle, and the perfect time to implement new things into your life, in any realm. We decided to make it more fun than serious; to use the time to enjoy ourselves and each other as well. We decided to have the meetings in one of our favorite places - a beautiful set of temple ruins that has become overgrown with gorgeous trees and wildlife - quite close to our house, and we decided to make it a picnic. We also picked the day and the time a few days in advance so that we each had some time to prepare our thoughts, concerns, and questions (I think it is really important to choose the day ahead of time so you can each have time to prepare.)
On the day of our meeting, we met at our special spot, and first enjoyed our lunch and the beautiful views of nature. Then, AFTER filling our bellies (it is never a good idea to have an intense conversation on an empty stomach, or when you are very tired!!!!), we began our talk.
We began by setting the tone of the meeting, and by creating a safe space. To do this, we took the time to clearly state our intentions of the discussion. We said something like, “The purpose of these meetings is to create clearer, more conscious communication between us, and to help us to better understand one another. To give us a chance to fully express ourselves, and to be fully heard. To gain clarity on some situations so that we can continue to grow and move forward, together.”
I talked about this in more detail in my last post, but by clearly stating your intentions and creating a safe space, you have a much greater chance of reaching some sort of resolution. You will have a much better chance of achieving your goal, if you have a clear idea of what that goal is.
Photo Source
We also took time to invite our spirit guides and guardians and any available light beings to join us, to help us to have clear communication and understanding, and to simply assist us with the journey.
Then we dove into the questions and the discussion. Michael found some questions online to use for our talk, and we chose a few to specifically meet our needs. When answering the questions, we focus on one question at a time. Each person gets as much time as they need to answer the question, then possibly some open discussion takes place before the next person has their turn to answer. When the question has been fully addressed, and each person has said their piece, we move onto the next one.
This set of questions is perfect for having a conscious relationship “check-in”, or rather a sort of “relationship ceremony”, and works wonders in achieving our intention -- to create a deeper understanding of one other and to assist you in moving forward and growing together. The questions allow you to appreciate each other, to identify your most important values and desires, to identify any problems or issues that have come up, or may come up in the future, and to create clarity on how to best move forward. We have found this specific set of questions allows us to address all of our issues and concerns, and they help us gain a better understanding of what it is that we individually and collectively want.
Some photos of me and my partner, Michael
Because of the success of our first “relationship check-in”, we continue to meet once a month, every month, to go through these questions, and we experience so much growth and healing every time. We have also shared these questions with a handful of friends, and everyone who has taken the time to have their own little “relationship ceremony” has seen very big and beautiful results from them. They have reflected back that the questions really work to create more conscious growth and understanding.
That is why I am so excited to share them with you all today!
As you will see, the first question is about appreciation, which is really great way to begin these talks. Gratitude is always the best feeling state to be in. It creates a warm, loving energy in the space which will assist you with the more difficult questions. By taking the time to express what it is you love and appreciate about your partner will help them to feel safe and loved, and it will also help you to get into a more loving, accepting state of mind.
It's wonderful to take a moment and think about all the specific ways you love your partner (or friend, or parent, or colleague), and to think of all the characteristics you especially appreciate about them. It is also lovely, of course, to hear your partner (or friend, or parent, or colleague) tell you nice things about yourself; some things you may have never noticed about yourself. Plus, stating the things you love and appreciate will leads to more and more of those things happening, because now they know you love it and will be likely to do more (Law of attraction!)
From there, we move into talking about our values (in life, and in the relationship), and discuss if they are being met in the relationship. Things like trust, support, and patience. Are they being met in the relationship? If so, how? If not, let's talk more about that. What things could we do to create more of that?....
The questions include talking about your individual current goals in life, so that your partner can be more aware of where your focusing your time and energy, and so that you can each support one another in achieving these goals. By being aware of this, you can even help to keep each other accountable and help each other to keep growing.
Then there’s the most juicy question: "Is there anything I've done in the last month that has upset you, or made you comfortable, that we did not fully address or work thorough, or that you want to get more clarity on now?"
This is where we have a chance to talk about anything and everything from the past month that has made us feel not-so-great. But more than than, it's a chance to talk about it in a safe container. Without so much anger flowing through the system, clouding things. A chance to explain what upset you, how it made you feel, why it upset you, and come to a resolution about how to avoid these situations reoccuring. A chance to make some changes in behavior to not hurt one another. A chance to become aware of how your actions are affecting people. This is the true "meat" of the conversations. This is where the most tears occur; but also the most healing as well.
We finish by talking about what changes we would like to see to improve the relationship. We talk about our sex life and if there is anything we'd like more of, less of, new things to try. We have a chance to talk about our fantasies and our deepest sexual desires.
And, even though these conversations can often be heavy and full of tears, I ALWAYS feel so much better afterwards. So much clearer. So much lighter. So much more connected and confident and secure and at ease. Each time we go through this process, we gain immense amounts of clarity and understanding. We always end the ceremonies feeling much better than when we began, because we take the time on each question to fully express, fully listen, and fully understand.
Whenever I sit down to answer the questions to prepare for our next "relationship check-in" I find that they help me dive into myself, to figure out what I need and how I am feeling. They are helping me to better express myself. They are helping me to be a better communicator, a better listener, and a better partner. They have helped us get through some very tough times, and to come out even stronger and more deeply connected and in love on the other side.
So without further ado, I give you ”The Conscious Relationship Ceremony Questions”:
Conscious Relationship Ceremony Questions
Opening
- Welcome & invite light masters to be present
- The goal of these meetings is to develop:
a) better communication b) understanding c) depth d) clarity e)….
Questions:
- What are 3 Qualities that you appreciate in the other?
- What are you ideal deal qualities & values for a relationship. Review them - take turns. Are they being met?
- What have you learned about yourself from this relationship so far?
- What area would you like to improve? Work on?
- Have I done something in the past month that made you feel uncomfortable or you didn’t like, that we did not fully address or work through? Share. Focus on gaining clarity on the situation(s). (Practice listening… “I heard you say…..”)
- How can we improve and enhance our sexual union? What would you like to try?
- Do you have any new goals in your life that may be relevant or you simply want your partner to know about (so they can better support you)?
- Share a past relationship / breakup story to help the other person better understand what may be affecting your behavior.
Closing off & wrapping up
Give thanks.
Namaste
If you decide to use these questions, I would love to hear about your experience and how they work for you. Feel free to PM me, or comment down below.
Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by my blog. I hope you found it useful, enjoyable, or maybe even inspiring.
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Until next time. I love you….
🌈 Rachel
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