For the past week I have been meditating in the morning and in the evening. I’ve been meaning to meditate for quite some time. I’ve felt the benefits of it in the past and I know it makes me palpably happier, clearer and more effective.
So why the resistance?
I definitely have some blocks to meditating. I can feel it in my body, like the drag as a plane lifts off. And, like a plane taking off requires a lot of fuel for that initial boost, I too must find the inner strength to keep going as I know it gets better once in the air. It helps that I set myself a challenge to get me going. Then once a plane is in the sky and new heights are reached, we are soaring along without as much effort.
So Ini and I set ourselves to do a 40 day challenge and the next day the #ecotrain started a #meditation-challenge. I would really encourage you to take part in the challenge and share your findings if you feel inspired! As the photo I posted above details, we all truly are walking each other home, pointing the way and finding strength in unity. Meditation becomes a lot easier when we’re surrounded by a group of likeminded effort, a sangha, and that’s what we’re creating: a digital sangha through the #meditation-challenge. It also helps to hear other people’s experience, challenges and even the fruit of their practice (check the tag to find everyone’s stories!).
So beyond the resistance, what are my findings?
It gets easier each day.
In the beginning, my mind raced around with nary any space between thoughts. In those stages it’s a legitimate task to try to remember I’m meditating (haha!) because I keep getting sucked in to whatever thoughts I’m having!
At one point the first day I even almost got up to do something I was thinking about because I had forgot I was meditating! Lol!!
For me, it is essential to not be hard on myself when I notice these moments or when I get sucked into thinking and don’t notice I’m far down a thought train before I pull myself back. I’ve heard it talked about like riding a horse, a thought horse, and when the horse veers off the path we gently lead him back. It does no good to struggle with the horse or be hard on the horse, just to gently and consistently return to the trail and say something like, “good horsey, let’s keep meditating...” Likewise, return to the breath and keep trying.
We are also doing a 15 minute mantra prior to meditating in the mornings and evenings. To be honest, up until last night which was the first time I felt like I was really grooving with the mantra, it has felt like a chore- one that I’ve resisted and put off. So I’ve had to give myself treats (if we meditate we can do X). It is like bribing a kid in some ways.
But the funny part is: I usually feel better after the process! Slowly I am integrating that feedback loop into my being. Hopefully soon I’ll look forward to the time to meditate ;) until then, I’ll just keep with it! That’s the blessing of making a commitment to practice!
Some days are easy and others more of a challenge, but we meditate anyway!
One thing I do know from experience is that it gets easier the more we do it. A week in, I already see this, although not to the extent I have in the past. When I’ve meditated many hours a day, I’ve gotten to the point of feeling very thankful and happy for the meditation and look forward to it! The mind gets clearer, what I call a basic human happiness at being comes to the fore, and we start to see ourselves and our habit patterns (whether action or thought) unfold before us.
For me, one that comes up is control. I definitely have an attachment to control! It seems to boil down to attachment to the moment or what I think the moment should be.
When I do feel myself in the moment and let’s say I am enjoying it, there’s then a subtle sadness that that moment is then moving on. When I am not having what I deem a good moment, I then want nothing less than to move on as quickly as possible. But truly there is no escape from what is happening in whatever moment.
We cannot hold on to life and we cannot control life.
Meditation, in my experience, elucidates these two poles. It’s human nature it seems to get away from discomfort. We are pleasure seeking animals. But what if the constant pursuit of pleasure and happiness actually makes us less happy? Is there peace in that pursuit? Who even has peace as a goal anymore anyway?
Meditation gives us the space to see our desire to get away from the moment, to always be pursuing something and that, at base, this pursuit takes us away from what is Now.
And in the end that’s all we have.
That’s all for today. We’ll both be elucidating our experience at it happens along these 40 days. It is truly a blessing for me to be able to process and share this. It is my healing work and to have a place to share that is very beneficial.
As mentioned earlier, feel encouraged to participate in the #meditation-challenge if you want to- or even in the 40 day challenge we are doing. Blessings!
much love 
Check out #ecotrain for more posts by members of the grooviest train on steemit!!