About a year ago I read a book called 21 Life Lessons @ 21. It is a compilation of personal stories and advice from 21 prominent South Africans. While the book was originally written aimed at the youth, I felt that it has some pearls of wisdom that are brilliant, regardless of your age.
His mother - woman alone had a very heavy burden and they lived below the poverty line, often going nights without food because there simply wasn't money. When he came of age he decided to be the first person of the family to attain an education and he was the first to graduate from University, however this in itself was a struggle. He was without funding for his text books and relays a story of being stripped of his shoes and socks and humiliated one night after he couldn't pay the ticky box master for the phone call he had made to his mother, pleading for funding for his study materials.
His life changed radically the night he found out that his brother had died. He had been required to work on an assignment which was overdue when he received the news. He had no choice but to work through the night against the shock and grief that was settling in on him in order to not have to explain the situation and "make the excuse" - I can only imagine that the standard of work was probably below his best, but sometimes we have to work against the emotional turmoil that we are amidst because our lives and society around us demand it. We often tend to think "I'll deal with it when I catch a break". How many of you have done this? I know I have in the past. The issue with this is that sometimes the only "break" that comes is us - breaking down.
Which is exactly what happened to Sello and probably many of you reading this as well. He became seriously ill and after being seen by a doctor, was told that he was suffering from an emotional trauma which was affecting his entire body. He had lost weight, lost his appetite and had developed a stomach ulcer from stress.
Understandably, it took him a while to get back on his feet but he believes that that time was a defining moment of his life. He knew that if he didn't change things, he wasn't going to make it. He decided he needed to be kinder to himself and look after himself better or he wasn't going to be any good to anyone else.
There is so much that I can identify with from his story...both from my years in the environmental sector and now as a single mother.
The stress and emotional strain of my years in conservation led to burnout and my being booked off from work for two months. I was an absolute mess, but I too had to make some big changes to get back on track after being told by my doctor that I was well on my way to a coronary at the age of 50. It was a shocking realisation when it hit home. I had not been prioritising my health and my career was taking first prize, to this day I don't know what kind of long term damage those years did.
It took me a year to tie up the majority of my debt. When my life was threatened by a poacher, that was the last straw - I decided my life and integrity was worth more than my job and I handed in my resignation.
Now, I'm also in that same role as Sello's mother with a little girl who relies on and looks up to me as her provider, protector and role model. If I'm not being my best self, then the example I'm setting (however positive or negative that may be) is what she's going to follow. I was reminded of this literally a few days ago by a friend who has seen when I've been struggling. The problem is that often, we don't have the luxury of time (or money) to dissect and rectify what is plaguing us when it's most necessary and it is often exacerbated by external circumstances or influences.
This in itself is often when people start looking for numbing agents or routes of escape from their pain. Alcohol, drugs, gambling, pornography, workaholic tendencies, comfort eating or self deprivation are often the black holes that people fall into when they don't know how to turn it around. It is a tenuous time and without self awareness, the situation can fast spiral out of control.
Sello made a concerted effort to deal with his upheaval and later went on to climb mount Kilimanjaro. Along the summit he mused that even though the road may seem only uphill, the distance to a better place or destination might be shorter than the road you've just travelled and while you are no doubt tired, reaching your goal may be just around the corner or over the next rise. It is at this point often when we simply feel that we just can't go on, that we need to tap into that well of inner strength and find our inner hero. That version of ourselves - our best version - that would whisper to us "get up and take another step".
He ties this self determination into the concept of Hope, something that I hold very close to my heart. I truly believe that once your hope is erased or lost, your road to despair will be quick and forthcoming.
He quotes his role model for endurance as Nelson Mandela, but I think he failed to see that he himself has in his own right become a light bearer to those who may require a little bit of encouragement to stay the path of dignity, self assurance, determination and continue to seek a brighter day.
Sometimes when we struggle, we simply need to be reminded to go inwards, channel our best version, pull from that hidden strength of character within each of us and be our own Hero. If you can help someone along the way to find theirs, do it with love and respect and just keep moving forward.
Be awesome today.
This is a bi-monthly publication. You can find the previous editions here:
Edition 1: Simple Things to make life easier - Susan Booyens
Edition 2: Dig Deep to Find Joy - Kathleen Ciucci
Edition 3: Life is a Marathon - Prof Wim de Villiers
Edition 4: Stop Apologizing for Everything - Rochelle Barish
If you would like to buy the e-book version of 21 Life Lessons @ 21, it is available online at www.21lifelessons.co.za for $12 USD (International) or R150 ZAR (South Africa).
