To Fly
Oh, what elation it is to fly,
to taste of the sunbeams up on high.
Weightlessly moving through the cloud,
eager to discover beyond it’s shroud.
Excitement is growing,
adrenaline starts flowing.
The world around begins to shatter,
awaking in bed with a full bladder.
Lucid Dreaming, the Hype VS the Reality
I can’t speak for anyone else, as I do not own one of those “Inception” dream machines, and have not had the luxury of visiting another’s dream world. I’ve only briefly researched lucid dreaming, mainly because as far back as I can remember, I’ve been one.
For all you non-lucid dreamers out there, regardless of what the many products marketed to “train” one to achieve this dream state, it’s not really all that it’s cracked up to be. I’ll go over a few of the main selling points.
You Can Fly.
Yes, you can learn to fly. You may need to sit in a box and believe that the box will allow you to float, then believe that It will allow you to fly. After a while you will be able to discard the useless box as it’s just a figment of your imagination anyways. Eventually you will be able to float on your own(Self High Five!!!), but flying comes rather quickly once you begin to realize that its all in your head.
- Note: Just don’t try to fly fast like superman, or else you will just wind up at your destination without experiencing the joys of the journey.
You Can Have... err “Do Stuff” With Anyone You Want.
This is probably the biggest “selling point” I have seen when looking into these products, or seeing people try to teach others how to do it. I would rather not delve into this little ditty, but I couldn’t ignore it. What I will say is, sure you can “do things” with people who would have zero interest in doing said things with you in real life. Just remember, you're actually doing them with an aspect of your subconscious(Just let that thought fester a bit.). There is a big difference between natural dreams of this sort and self manifest ones. When it comes time to see them face to face, your little secret may come to haunt you, just because it was in a dream doesn’t mean that our actions have no effect deep in your subconscious.
- Note: If you think you're going to “conjurer” up the likes of Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt, just don’t be surprised if half way though your “doing stuff” they turn into a demon and bite off your man or lady bits. It’s probably safer to just have a bit of fun with the likes of the lunch lady or janitor whom you may naturally come across in your dream.
You Can Murder Your Arch Nemesis.
Now I have partaken in my fair share of dream battles, be it with guns or swords. I’ve never taken the road of murder. Even in a dream it just feels wrong. Perhaps it’s due to how I felt every time I was murdered in my own dreams. I’ve been stabbed, shot, drowned, and thrown to my death, I’m pretty sure I’ve never been thrown out an airlock in space, but hey, I got a lot of dreaming left to do, I’ll try not to give up hope.
- Note: Please don’t become a dream murderer, I feel like it’s just one step away from… well you know.
You Can Do Whatever You Want.
This is somewhat true, it just turns out that if you fiddle with your subconscious, it tends to fiddle back. The more you mess with your dreams, the less impact you actually have. I’ll give you an example from when I was maybe twelve.
There I was staring at some sort of monster approaching, I didn’t really feel like dying that night and had just learned how to “conjurer up” items. So I thought.
“Screw this monster, I’ll just give myself a gun.”
So I thought about it, and the next moment I had a very pretty semi automatic nickel plated .45 with ivory hand grips(Must have been something I had seen in a movie.) in my hands.
“Sweet, this should make short work of him.”
I took aim, pulled the trigger. But nothing. So I cocked the pistol to find out that it was missing a magazine.
“Shoot” (I was pretty good at not swearing, back then)
So then I “conjured up” a magazine full of copper coated bullets. I loaded and cocked the hand gun, took aim. By this point the monster was uncomfortably close to me. I squeezed the trigger, just to find out that I lacked the strength to pull it back.
After the slightest of heart attacks, I awoke in my bed
I suppose the moral of the story is, lucid dreaming can be exciting, but you best not get too excited about it, lest you find yourself awake in bed with a jacked up R.E.M. cycle.
I not really sure if this is “funny enough” or if it’s even funny at all but regardless this is my submission to 
I would love to see 
I would also like to thank 
A special thanks to the judges, curators and sponsors of Comedyopenmice round 5:
PS Remember Don't hate me Imjustsaying
-K
