Being 
If this is your first time reading Mouthgasm, this is the part of the blog where we showcase the drool-and-jizz-inducing food that we often like to treat ourselves to (after spending hours drooling and jizzing over food porn ourselves). Expect copious seafood and veggie dishes!
So first of all, let’s start this story with a rollercoaster of emotions that left my nerves twitching in distress. Several weeks ago, we saw a competition being promoted by Foodism for an Ostrelier Masterclass during the first ever London Oyster Week. Naturally we were no doubt intrigued and both popped our names in, never expecting to win because...well who has ever won an online competition?!
After entirely forgetting about the competition, I checked my email last week and saw that I had received an email from Foodism:
Of course, I was over the moon and started screaming and jumping up and down...until I read the last paragraph, stating that I had until the end of the day to respond and confirm my place, otherwise it was going to be given away to someone else... A lump formed in my throat as I had received this email the day before.
I keep scrolling and see the next email that I had received from them that morning, and the place had been given away. I was DISTRAUGHT, screaming again, but not from joy this time, from UTTER HEARTBREAK. The day before we were out all day at a Blockchain Expo, then a little photographic journey around West London and hadn’t had the opportunity to check our emails! So, I quickly sent an email back to try and see whether there was anything that could be done - especially if the people that have been contacted after us had not replied. (I also included an oyster related Mouthgasm post to show just how much of an oyster hoe I was!). She replied saying that if they don’t get a reply from the newly contacted “winners” we would get to retain our spot!
Luckily, the Oyster Gods were on our side - our places were confirmed and we were going to shuck our brains out all Sunday evening! HELL YEAH!
So everything was fine now that our places were confirmed - right? If only life were that easy! The event started at 6pm, however we were out raving ‘til late and didn’t sleep until 9am. The alarm was set for 12-1pm...and we DID wake up...however a big mistake on our part was not setting another alarm because we obviously fell asleep again.
Next thing we knew, 
Fortunately, the class didn’t start on the dot, as there was a marathon on that day and the class didn’t start until 20 minutes past as to allow for any late-comers to arrive. PHEW! THANK YOU OYSTER GODS! Oyster orgy - here we cum!
Leading the masterclass was Katy aka The Oyster Lady - another fellow oyster addict who has been dedicated to bringing oyster culture to the masses and demystifying this at times rather baffling bivalve.
As I mentioned, I’ve been a serious oyster hoe since I was at least 5, and since oysters aren’t the cheapest of vices, my parents learnt to shuck oysters at home to avoid eating at fancy restaurants every week when I craved oysters. We also spent some time in Luxembourg growing up, so we’d often pop over into France and pick up a box or two of oysters (2 dozen in a box) for about 20€ each and have a massive shuckfest at home!
On top of that, my mum was also a flight attendant , so every time she flew to Sydney she would always make sure to stop by the world-renowned fish market and pick up a few dozen Sydney Rocks and Tasmanian oysters (maybe a few Coffin Bays too) and fly them back to Hong Kong (and once even to London! MAMA IS OYSTER BAE!) for a feast of oysters and champagne. Because of my loving parents, once I got old enough to handle knives, I got taught how to shuck oysters too! By the age of 18 I knew how to proficiently open oysters with ease, yet even to this day, I still struggle with peeling apples with a knife…
Although the masterclass was catered more to beginners, it isn’t to say that I didn’t learn anything new. It was really helpful to see how the pros do it, and compare that with what my parents taught me from figuring it out themselves, not to mention also learn more about different types of oysters and also how to properly taste them. Now we know how oysters make oyster babies. (They don't come from cabbages...)
To start off, we had oysters gratin, beautifully complimented with some mild pesto flavours and some crunchy breadcrumbs on top. And to drink, a refreshing Remy Martin 1738 and ginger ale. Although I prefer my oysters raw, these were so delicious I couldn’t resist helping myself to a second one!
LET THE SHUCKFEST BEGIN!
This man's falling in love, who can blame him!
To start off, Katy wanted to throw everyone into the deep end by giving the class some trickier oysters. The first two appellations (types) we tried were the West Mersea Rock and Native Oysters. I’ve actually always wanted to visit Mersea Island, located in Essex on the eastern coast of England (near Colchester and also a little town named ‘Fingringhoe’ - I’m not making this up, google it!). Why? Well, aside for being famed for golden, sandy beaches (which I have yet to experience in the UK), it has also been famous for its oysters which have been cultivated since the Roman times.
You see how different these two oysters look? In the UK, I often see native or rock oysters on offer and have always wondered about the difference as I haven’t really seen these labels anywhere else. Turns out, there are only two species of oysters cultivated in the UK : Crassostrea gigas aka rock or Pacific oysters and the Ostrea edulis aka native oysters. Rock oysters are now more commonly found in the UK, however this species actually originated from the Pacific ocean and was introduced and naturalised in British waters. If you look at the photo, you can see how they are more narrow and have a deeper cup on the bottom shell.
Native oysters, as the name suggests, are native to British waters. You can see that they look very different from rock oysters as they are flatter and rounder. They are of the same species as Belon - a French oyster of the similar appearance originating from the Belon river. However, similar to how you cannot call any sparkling wine Champagne, not all Ostrea Edulis can be called Belon if they have not been cultivated in that particular river. This is why the Ostrea Edulis cultivated in Maine which can also referred to as Belon should really be referred to as “The European Flat Oyster”. This is because although the species may be the same, just as with wine where the conditions of the soil affect the flavour of the grapes, also known as the terroir, the conditions of the water affects the flavour of the oyster, or the merroir.
Growing up, Belon was my favourite type of oysters. Well, they were a joint favourite with the sweet little succulent Cumamotos. It’s actually spelled “Kumamotos”, but you know whose post you are reading ;) I must say that in my 6 years in London, I have always found it very difficult to find any Kumamotos. It turns out that this is for a reason.
Remember how I mentioned how there are only 2 species of oysters being cultivated in the UK? Well that’s because after rock oysters were introduced in 1928, they were actually seen as an invasive species. Which is why there are now regulations prohibiting the introduction or cultivation of any other non-native oyster species. So if you do see any British “Kumamotos”, you now know that it’s false advertising and actually probably just rock oysters that have been cultivated and shaped through various processes to look like tiny little Kumamotos.
What I found very useful about the class was that we were taught how to properly taste oysters, and were given forms to fill out to describe their taste and smell. I’ve eaten a ridiculous amount of oysters in my life as a self-proclaimed oyster hoe, but I never really paid much attention to the smell of oysters. But just like wine, it sure is important to give these sexy molluscs a little sniff before you slurp them up as you can really try and identify the flavour profiles of the little guy. Other things to note while eating oysters: try and pay attention to the texture and the flavours from start to finish, the depth of the cup (bottom shell), as well as it’s salinity and meat to shell ratio which can be ranked out of 10.
Another pro tip from (my new idol) Katy The Oyster Lady is that you should always try a new appellation nude. No, I don’t mean you should get naked to try the oysters (though you can if that rocks your boat, I mean it is an aphrodisiac anyway right? Might as well get prepared). However you should try abstaining from lemon juice or any other sauces and brave the brine, just so that you can really taste all the flavours of the oyster. After that, you can feel free to dress it to your liking. To me lemons and oysters together just harmoniously create the perfect blend of sweet, salty and sour flavours without covering up too much of the oyster’s original flavour, so I’m a strictly lemon juice kinda gal.
Next up we had the privilege of trying some Isle of Barra rock oysters straight from the Outer Hebrides of Scotland. The farm is still quite new having set up only 5 years ago, and so their oysters are still not commercially available. It was quite frankly such an honour to have the opportunity to be one of the first ever people to try these babies! They were rather small and had fairly thin shells, making them relatively easy to shuck (and suck!). In terms of flavour, although they may look small they sure packed a punch with their bold flavours - they were very salty and briny as they were full to the brim with liquor (juice) , but still had a lovely delicate, fruity finish, with a rather silky texture. I could probably eat 100(s) of these!
Another exciting thing I learnt at the masterclass was that the Scottish have a tradition of eating oysters with single-malt scotch whisky. Which quite frankly is an absolutely brilliant idea! We had the pleasure of trying some of Bruichladdich’s The Classic Laddie which tasted like a mouthful of spring with its fruity and floral flavour with just a hint of smokiness and was a great accompaniment to the oysters. However, did you know that one way to eat oysters as the Scottish do, is to even pour some of the oyster liquor into the whisky as you eat? It may sound slightly odd, but this really adds an extra kick of freshness from the sea - I’ve been converted! Katy also recommended using the oyster liquor for a dirty martini which sounds like a fabulous idea as well. This gives me the idea of making a sexy bloody oyster martini with the liquor (similar to a bloody Caesar which involves clamato aka tomato and clam juice!) - must try someday!
The next oyster up for shucking and sucking was the Menai Strait Rock oyster which comes from Wales. I had never tried Welsh oysters before so I found this super exciting! These were rather salty to start off with, but not as overpowering as some of the other ones when eaten on their own. Eventually with a few more bites, they explode with a subtle creaminess - not too dissimilar to the situation in my pants (though I wouldn’t say the creaminess was...subtle…)Texture wise, they had quite a bit of a bounce to them but weren’t as crunchy as some of the other ones.
Last but not least, on our oyster tour around the British Isles, we got to try some Carlingfords from Ireland - the name rings a bell as I feel like I may have tried this appellation before. This time we were asked to shuck two oysters. One of them we ate raw, while the other was put on a lovely platter and sent to the kitchen to be grilled for just a minute or two. I actually thought this was an incredible idea, as it’s a great way for people who may be less experienced with the devouring of oysters to really taste the difference between the flavours and textures of a cooked and raw oyster.
When eaten raw, the only way I can describe the taste of Carlingfords is childhood. I don’t know why, but something about the mixture of the really full on creaminess and juiciness of the plump, meaty oyster just transported me straight back to The Oyster Bar on the top floor of the harbour-facing Sheraton Hotel in Hong Kong where I discovered my unconditional love for these breathtaking bivalves. I literally felt the lives of every oyster I had ever tasted flash before my eyes.
What I loved about this little experiment was that the oysters were grilled without anything, as to really allow us to taste them in their purest form. When oysters are cooked, their creaminess solidifies and that slimy texture goes away, as the whole thing firms up. Since these oysters were just lightly grilled, the delicious liquor slowly poaches the meat. Yet the oyster still retained it’s brininess, though it was really more in the remaining condensed liquor - the rest of it was reminiscent of its creamy flavour when savoured raw, but seemed to be even sweeter. As I previously mentioned, I prefer raw oysters to cooked oysters, but as far as grilled oysters go, this was probably one of the best I ever tasted - and there wasn’t a single condiment on it! I’m guessing this could be because I’m such a purist that when it is grilled with far too many ingredients and the original flavours are stifled, I just don’t feel like I’m eating an orgasmic oyster anymore.
So you may be thinking, hang on, I read you ramble on and on about oysters, but... how do I shuck oysters! Well you know what, since I still have a couple oysters in the fridge still, I’ve actually filmed a little video (cumming soon!) demonstrating how to shuck oysters. It may be easier just to show you rather than explain it in text!
Overall we had such an incredible experience at the Ostrelier Masterclass and as you can tell from this post, I learnt quite a lot of new things which I couldn’t help but share with you guys! We’re so glad to have made it in the end after the constant heart attacks that I had to endure. But, it was all worth it in the end, and now that it’s over, I can’t help but think about how I can take my oyster addiction to the next level.
As you probably know, when it comes to wine, there are plenty of qualifications available in order to train as a sommelier, but when it comes to oysters, can you believe that such a thing still does not exist?! This means that my dreams to become a qualified ostrelier is still not a possibility. However through Katy’s recently founded CIC, The Oyster Academy International, this dream may soon become a reality.
Katy The Oyster Lady is pioneering an amazing advocacy project in a bid to ‘demystify’ this often feared delicacy and promote oyster culture to the masses. This truly is an admirable cause, and one that I’m not a stranger to as I regularly introduce friends and family to the wonders of oysters and teach them how to shuck and suck. After meeting her, she’s made me realised she is not alone on her quest to help spread the word and love about these sustainable and nutritious molluscs
Bring on the oyster revolution!
Have you ever tried oysters before? Are you crazy in love like I am? Think they're OK like Aleks? Or are you simply not a fan? Do let us know if this inspires you to try them out!
If you've yet to make out with the ocean (aka eat oysters) I'd highly recommend scouting out a cheap oyster deal just so you can give them a try if you're curious. They just may revolutionise your life (and taste buds)!
→ Indulge in Mouthgasm foreplay exclusively on Instagram
→ Watch "Moroccan Tales" on Youtube
→ A naked man tried to break into our house. 2 min of pure awkwardness on dtube
→ Sexually attracted to sushi and cock...tails? Help yourself to some prime wank bank material on MOUTHGASM #5
→ Learn how to shuck oysters - cumming soon to dtube!