What not to tell to a person with depression:

Talk to God, Your Depression Will Vanish Forever

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It took my mother three years to finally stop telling me to talk to her god. Because back then,

When I told my family, I suffer from weird thing that causes me to constantly think about dying, feeling worthless, inability to wake up in the morning, crying without a reason. They told me I need to go back to God and stop being lazy.

My journey of telling them was not easy either.

Honestly, It took me years to finally tell a family knowing already they won't help. I was right, they didn't. They were simply stating that they understood I was different.

When I tried to put myself in my mother's shoes, I think it pains them to hear that their child would prefer to die than to live. Thus far, she has been very compassionate and understanding of my situation.

These days, I don't focus on these things. I just drift away like a deadbeat waiting its time to actually flip the switch. I don't know what could actually get me feel better.

Medicate? Tell a friend? Read a book? We did it all and still can’t find a way to heal our souls. Are we damned? We can’t really tell.

Embracing and Trying to Recover from Depression

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In this particular piece, I talked about how I actually feel and experience dealing with it. I touch a subject of addiction which obviously, I had been there.

People like us constantly seeking for a way to cope from time to time. We get high off things which could make us forget either it’s morphine, weed, alcohol, cigarettes or any other addiction which most of them seemed to be harmful.

Thankfully, these days I am only addicted to caffeine. I don't think it's good either but better than something I had in the past.

In attempt to fight it all, I tried to find what might be the cause or habits I could change so I would feel better. Then, I wrote an article which could have been better phrased.

How to get a depression

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Most articles I read were about to minimize the depression or avoid it but barely any that discusses about how to be more depressed. In short : Isolate yourself, not working out, sleeping less, Feeding your brain with hatred and negative news, and more.

I think it should have been how to minimize depression because even today, I don't know what caused mine. If I knew, it would have been simpler and I would never even think about killing myself or attempting to do so.

Then....

This journey led me to Nootropics and Nutrition.

Apart from having depression, I also have history on traumatic brain injury with memory loss which something I talk quite a lot here as well. I would say my journey here has helped me recall a lot of memories from the past.

How I Eventually Rely on Natural Medicine

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life was good, everything was fabulous. I learned things easily, I was able to focus and multitask. It was also easy for me to socialize- I was a social butterfly. Everything was smooth and simply like before. Except I was still neglecting my study and prefer to be working. I worked very hard while consuming the herb regularly. Life was easy.

This was the turning point of everything.

I got it and life was back again. I worked like I used to and I knew exactly what I had to do. It was very fun cause I was just turning 20 and suddenly presented with so many possibilities and capitals. With all those work and things I accumulated, something that lacked in my life was easily accessible. Friendship, things and love- I thought I could buy them all. Later I learned it’s not.

Nowadays, I learned that I was addicted and runs on high adrenaline to avoid my problem. When I stopped, I learned a huge lesson from that. But I love the feeling and the rush. These days, I am considering doing the same thing again whilst applying what I learned.

Why would I consider doing that again?

In response to Hive account@namik's question, Share how you are feeling I wrote this three months ago;

I put on happy face and tried to stay positive. But I couldn't help to think about suicide a lot these days. Even today, when I went out to get a meal, I was about to stay longer in the middle of the road but sanity prevails. I walked home thinking how it would be problematic for others and my close family if I committed suicide. I mean prior several years, I was never this suicidal but last and this year, it was just intense. I keep convincing myself these days that things will be fine and there are other ways to deal with everything.

My natural response to a problem was always fixing it. Yet, these days I just want to runaway or hide, or kill myself.

I have been doing the same thing. I try to get into more productive lifestyle, trying to study again but I fall back to my bad habit since sometimes I don't have the energy to even get up from my bed. I was never this way and that is the most frustrating of all. Knowing that parts of you change not for the better but for worse.

And What's even worse to me is that no matter how many of these so called brain mood boster and shit like that, it didn't help. Meditate, exercise, whatever pseudoscience prescribed for depression, I tried it all. It's still there.

I am willing to give it a shot once more time. Maybe it stays, maybe it goes away. It should have been easier these days as I understand and learned how to play the games about life. It's much easier to raise from a deadbeat to something. But yes, another thing I learned when you deal with depression is ;

Do your thing first before attending other requests.....

Brandon said a powerful thing that I failed to practice in my day-to-day life "Do your thing first before attending other requests". This particular advice is something I fail to practice. The moment I wake up, the first thing I grab is my mobile phone. Next is, I will be checking if I have a message, being mentioned, a new announcement, or someone asked me something- I am always quick in replying because a slight problem haunts me. Then, I will check my twitter to see what's going on with the world. Next thing I know, I spent 5 hours just scrolling and attending to other request instead of mine.Who benefits from this? definitely not me. Who will complain about failing something and unable being discipline? definitely me and the cycle will continue. This situation reminds me to Ayn Rand, who advocates " Selfishness is a virtue." in which on this context, I think it is applicable. Put yourself first before anyone else when you want to improve yourself. _{Think With Caffeine #1 : Perrenial Questions}

This was it. Some small personal stories, tips and my contribution to mental health awareness. Writing this was bittersweet. I saw how far I've grown and lost these past three years. These days, I choose to talk less and less about this. Because the more I focus on it, the more I rob myself from living my life. But if you want to talk to me about it, you can reach out to my discord or my twitter. I'll try my best to be a good listener. Mac