✨Hola!✨
It is a rainy Monday here in Cebu, Philippines and it's been raining the entire weekend (at least in my hometown in Carcar).
In today's post, I will give you an idea of what it feels like to be talking to a psychiatrist for the first time. As the youngest in the family, I'd always be around my mother wherever she went ( we call it Kuyog Baboy in our local dialect haha) and I remember we'd go to my brother's psychiatrist at least once a month. But I didn't think that one day, I'll be talking to one for myself.
In Part 1, I've narrated how I got into this dark pit and in Part 2, I've jotted down the Top 3 Reasons why I decided to get help. And today, I'll open up about how I put a halt to the Mental Health Stigma by getting the help I deserve on my own accord without any family member knowing my move.
For the first time, I finally felt the tax I've been paying.
Being the systematic lady that I am ( 99.99% of the time 😂), the day I decided that I should get help the soonest possible time, I called a few Psychology/Psychiatry clinics in Cebu City. I'd call them, asked for their consultation fees/rates and how they'd go about the consultation.
Unfortunately, I'd rather catch colds than be mentally ill because the lowest consultation fee I can remember is Php 2,500 ($49.15) for an hour of treatment. That's a hefty sum of money. Although that may not be the case for everyone but for someone earning minimum wage (or lower) with a family to support, there's no way to afford such treatment at least once a month.
I am a loud and proud frugal lady, so I searched for more clinics that might offer lower consultation fees, and lo and behold, I found a clinic that offers free consultation. That is right, mental health services for free.
And where did I get such service? From Vincente Sotto Memorial Medical Center (VSMMC) Center for Behavioral Sciences (Psychiatric and Psychological Services). VSMMC Center for Behavioral Sciences is a government-owned and operated clinic that offers all its services for free including medicine.
While on the search for alternative clinics, I came across the Facebook Page of VSMMC Center for Behavioral Sciences. I immediately called their contact number and asked how the consultation will be done given that we're in the middle of the pandemic. And there it was discussed to me that it will be done through Tele-consultation for first time patients. In layman's term, that means the doctor and the patient will talk via video call. Because they are using their own application, they'll ask you to download it beforehand and they'll give you the code that the patient needs to use during the scheduled consultation.
My First Consultation
There's an old adage that goes that the first step is always the hardest. The same applies when I had to get help from a professional last September 2020.
As I have mentioned in Part 1, I had a tendency to carry my problems all by myself because I've done so for the longest time and I've managed well on my own, but this time, seems like getting professional help was the only way out of the darkness.
When the doctor and I was already in the call, he gave me a few reminders to not take pictures including screenshots and to not record anything. I abided by his simple requests. I can sense the doctor's sincerity at the first few questions he threw at me: How are you feeling today and why are you here?
A long eerie silence loaded with doubts and fears followed. My eyes gathered liquid that would drop anytime but with all the energy I had, I was able to forcefully hold it. Then my doctor said: It's okay. You don't have keep it inside, you can cry.
Right there and then, I let go and allowed myself to be at my most vulnerable state - crying in front of a stranger. And for the first time, I felt heard and understood even without spewing any words.
I was there to get the help I'm worthy of but in order for my doctor to help me, I had to open up. He needed to understand where I am coming from. And in order to do so, he asked a lot of questions about my family, my education, my work, the kind of activities I enjoy before and during the pandemic, my relationships with friends and my boyfriend, the kind of student I am back in college and any experiences in the past which might contribute to my current mental state. He was trying to complete a jigzaw puzzle and figuring out where's the missing piece so he can try to help me complete it.
With all honesty, he had a friendly approach I didn't expect from a guy doctor. His voice was encouraging and suggestive that it's okay to answer what I'm only comfortable with. And because of this, it didn't take long until I talked about what he wanted me to share to him. I had to be as descriptive as I could be such as what I felt during my first anxiety attack, what could've triggered it, when I felt the first signs of anxiety, if my parents know about what I'm going through so on and so forth.
The next time I knew, I have spent an hour comfortable sharing things I'd rarely talk with a stranger. At this early, I acknowledge that in order for me to get the right help, I need to be open and descriptive of what I feel.
Then after laying all my cards in the table, my doctor said: I have a strong feeling that you are an extremely independent, strong, willful and intelligent woman.
He understood that taking this step might be one of the hardest things (if not the hardest) I've done in my life since I'm not used to getting any help from people. My doctor told me that I AM NORMAL, that what I am feeling is NORMAL and that getting help when I couldn't do it on my own is NORMAL.
I could be told how inspiring, influential, beautiful, intelligent, confident I am, but no amount of validation could match being told that I am still normal. His words taught me one thing, that when you stir the ocean, ripples are likely to be created. Nothing's more normal than that.
Now, we've come to the part where my doctor did the talking. He tried to explain how come I ended up with anxiety, the possible reasons that triggered me to be here.
He was careful with his word choice, his sentence construction, his progression of ideas. And then he told me: It's time to open up.
He suggested that I should be more open. It's totally fine to share my struggles with my parent. It's okay to tell them I am struggling. It's fine to share my burden with my closest friends. It's okay to tell my boyfriend that I need him more than ever.
He suggested that I do yoga, regular exercise, deep breathing exercises, meditation. But much to his surprise, I was already doing all these things long before I decided to talk to a professional. With this, he said that I'm really doing great. I just have to continue doing so.
I had an option to be there but then not listen to the suggestions of my doctor. In my case, I knew I had to be receptive to all his suggestions and, as much as possible, apply them after my consultation.
At the end of the consultation, my doctor discussed my medication. I could've easily said, "No, I won't take any medicine, having someone to talk to is enough for me."
But seeing how my doctor cautiously checked all the aspects of my mental wellbeing, I trusted that the medicine he's prescribed will make things easier for me. And will largely contribute to my fast recovery.
So I took them and was proud that I am taking one. In the end, any mental illness is just like any other disease which must be treated professionally and in some instances, with medication as well.
My doctor told me that my prescription will be available through VSMMC - Center for Behavioral Sciences Tele-consultation Facebook Page. I just have to message them to get it. If I want to get the free medicine, I just have to get the physical copy of the prescription pay Php 30 ($0.59) and go to the VSMMC Pharmacy to claim my prescribed medicines.
And that's it! What was once a fearful idea is now something I look forward to. If you think you can no longer manage things by yourself, get the help you deserve. We can listen to the world and be afraid of being judged when we undergo Psychotherapy, but such thought will never help us. And today, I tell you IT'S OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP. ❤️
At this juncture, I'd like to thank Hive and the people who brought me here for the opportunity to scribble my thoughts in words that people here in Hive and even outside of Hive (I share my posts especially for things related to my advocacies in mainstream social media where most of my friends, relatives are) and being so receptive to all ideas.
There's so much more to share about my road to recovery, so stay tuned! And I genuinely hope this helps. ✨
Living life intentionally every single day, she believes that there’s no limit to one’s potentials. Right now, she’s on the loose for the pursuit of endless holistic self-growth and development. She wants to light the way for others. She believes there’s no better way to leave a legacy than to pay it forward.
Her ultimate goal in life is to reach the state of enlightenment where there’s nothing but peace, love, happiness, and contentment - nothing more, nothing less.
If you are captivated by what this girl just wrote here, an upvote is pretty appreciated. Follow her as she tells her stories full of positivities. The next story might be for you! ❤️